Respite

Sometimes you just need a break.

Last week was spent taking a self inventory of sorts. Reassessing the priorities, pursuits, and passions in my life. Introspection is a quality that I normally like about myself, but when it couples with my relentless streak of perfectionism it can get a wee bit out of control.

Enter the monster.

Now, I realize that to some, being called a "perfectionist" is a compliment. I personally don't see it that way. Sure, when you have a dinner party to host, event to co-chair, or speech to give it can come in handy. A blessing, even. But most of the time it just causes me to be extraordinarily self-critical.

Doubt creeps in.

I start comparing my greatest weaknesses to others' greatest strengths. I rehash mistakes from the past. And I can't help feeling like I'm failing in some way.

I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling this way from time to time, but boy-oh-boy, when you're in that place you sure do feel alone.

Logically, I understand that these feelings have no basis in reality. But why is it so hard to forgive oneself? We may believe theoretically that we can be made perfect in Christ, but why do we not always apply that doctrine personally?

This afternoon, as I was mulling over things, I came upon this quote by Howard W. Hunter:

It has always struck me as being sad that those among us who would not think of reprimanding our neighbor, much less a total stranger, for mistakes that have been made or weaknesses that might be evident, will nevertheless be cruel and unforgiving to themselves. When the scriptures say to judge righteously, that means with fairness and compassion and charity. That’s how we must judge ourselves. We need to be patient and forgiving of ourselves, just as we must be patient and forgiving of others.
The Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, ed. Clyde J. Williams (1997), 34

Whoa.
It never ceases to surprise me how the Spirit can speak so personally to each of us.
And truly it did to me today.

I look to my husband, whom I absolutely adore.
He is one of the kindest, most sincere people I have ever met. He is such a good person, always concerned about those around him. And yet, he is not perfect. However, the mistakes of his past, along with his own personal weaknesses make him a great leader today. He has incredible empathy for others. He knows what it is like to feel lost and alone, for he has walked that path.

A failure?
Far from it.

Arriving home this afternoon from speaking in another congregation on a high council assignment, he gave me a warm embrace. He looked at me and remarked, "It's not where we've been that's important, but where the road is leading us that matters."

So, we rely on the arm of our Savior and trust in his redeeming grace. And, really, I think the road I'm headed on is leading me in the right direction.

I look at Bryson and smile.
Because while we may never be perfect in this lifetime, one thing is certain.

We are perfect for each other.