As you may (or may not) have noticed, it has been difficult for me to post lately.
It's not that I haven't had time, and it's not that I haven't had much to write about. The process of putting my experiences into a cohesive train of thought has been problematic. I sit down to write and am completely overwhelmed. I don't even know where to begin.
The past few months have been pretty intense. Equal parts challenging, painful, illuminating, and rejuvenating. C. S. Lewis described the process aptly in
Mere Christianity:
Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.
Every time I reread this quotation, I am reminded of Neal A. Maxwell's remarks on leaving behind the summer cottage in Babylon and establishing our permanent residence in Zion. Our Savior taught that in our Father's house are "many mansions." Giving up the cottage for the Lord's version will be worth it in the end, even if we can't see the full picture in the here and now.
All of the pushing, pulling, and stretching we undergo here during our earthly sojourn is for our own individual growth. And grow we most certainly shall, if we approach the difficult trials with an open heart and a willing spirit.
The life of discipleship is not for the faint of heart. If we truly want to have that deep and personal relationship with our Father in Heaven we can expect many trials and obstacles. We will not earn worldly acclaim. We will likely be scoffed at and dismissed as unenlightened and out of step with "things as they really are." But if we persevere step by step, and line upon line, we will find that the pathway is sure and the destination is glorious.
At some point in all of our lives we will reach a crossroads where we will be required to make a choice. We will have to evaluate the questions within of who we are, what we believe, and where we are going. And we will be tested. Sometimes it may seem that the path has been abandoned, and we are left to press onward in blinding darkness. We may feel alone. We may feel scared. We may feel as though the heavens themselves have been sealed. But I can tell you from very personal experience that if we press onward, the light will return. It
will return. And when it does, it will bring added knowledge and understanding to our hearts and minds.
And life as you know it will never be the same again.
