For Mom

From my earliest remembrance, I always thought my mom was Superwoman.
If she had flaws, I certainly didn't notice... until those lovely teenage years, of course. She just always had everything together. Talented, spiritual, well-respected, organized, and stunningly beautiful, I looked up to her as a model that I thought I would never be able to quite measure up to. Still do, for that matter.

As the years have gone by, I have come to see my mom through different eyes-- especially now that I find myself the mother of two small children. I feel that I now have a deeper understanding and appreciation of who she is. She has become more real, more human to me. She has become my friend. I am so grateful to her for the constant example she is to me of compassion and unconditional love. For her patience with me through the years, especially those difficult late teens-early twenties when I was searching for myself. I only hope I can demonstrate the same love and patience with my own children. And though I stumble most days, I am grateful for my mom's continual encouragement-- only a phone call away.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

As Taylor would put it,
I just love you so much.

Tilapia with Lemon-Caper Pan Sauce

In a house with two toddlers, mealtime is always a delicate situation. Rare is the dish that satisfies the palates of the entire household.

But today I present to you just such a meal.

(Cue the Hallelujah Chorus.)

Taylor devoured his entire portion of fish with no grimaces or gagging noises. He actually enjoyed it.

And so I give you Springtime on a Plate.


Sautéed Tilapia with Lemon-Caper Pan Sauce

1 1/2 cups chicken stock
1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons capers
2 teaspoons butter
2 teaspoons grapeseed or canola oil
4 (6-ounce) portions tilapia fillets
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
1/2 teaspoon freshly cracked pepper
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon butter

1. Combine first 3 ingredients.
2. Melt 2 teaspoons butter with oil in a large skillet over low heat.
3. While butter melts, sprinkle fillets with salt & pepper. Place flour in a shallow dish. Dredge fillets in flour; gently shake off excess.
4. Increase heat to medium-high; heat 2 minutes or until butter turns golden brown. Add fillets to pan; sauté 3 minutes on each side or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork. Remove fillets from pan. Add broth mixture to pan, scraping to loosen yummy browned bits. Bring to a boil; cook until reduced to 1 cup. Remove from heat. Stir in tablespoon butter with a whisk. Serve sauce over fillets. Garnish with lemon wedges-- which will be eaten in whole if you are serving to a two-year-old girl named Reilly.

I served this with a simple spinach salad with strawberries, walnuts, and a nice vinaigrette.
Lovely.

Serves 4
Modified and adapted from a recipe from Cooking Light Magazine.

In Like a Lion, Out Like a...

"Wow, it's snowing!!!" exclaimed Taylor from his car seat driving home from church today.

"I just love the snow. Winter is my favorite season. What's your favorite season, Dad?" he asked, without waiting for a response. "Mine's winter. Mom, is it Winter today?"

"Ummm, technically it's Spring right now. But it sure looks like Winter outside today, huh?" I replied.

"Happy Winter, Mom." Taylor grinned.

"Thank you, Taylor." I grinned back.

In like a lion, out like a lamb?

I guess that holds...
if by lamb you mean white and fluffy.

Happy Winter, everybody.

The Real

Looking at Sheep today, I was reminded of some words of wisdom from my favorite children's book of all time, The Velveteen Rabbit, by Margery Williams.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?" 

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." 

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." 

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive.

But the Skin Horse only smiled.

Coulda Woulda Shoulda

Do you ever stop once in awhile and think about what might have been?

I had one of those moments recently as I had an opportunity to catch up with an old college boyfriend this past week. It was an interesting experience.

You see, back in the day I was completely head over heels for this kid. We shared a lot of good times together, and he was everything that I thought I wanted. When the relationship ended after a couple of years, I was devastated, pure and simple. It took a lot of doing to get myself together and look forward to a better and brighter future.

I have that future today.

Being married to your absolute best friend in the world is something I wish everyone could enjoy. Never in my life have I been as happy as I am with Bryson, and I am always pleasantly surprised to discover that as the years progress, so does our love for one another. I adore being married to him.

And so as I was chatting with my old ex-- who, by the way, is still a fantastic person and fun to talk to, it struck me how altered my life would be right now if things had turned out differently.

I am so glad that they didn't.

Having come to this little epiphany, I found myself wanting to reach back in time to that poor little co-ed crying her eyes out in her dorm room. To tell her that everything was going to be alright. To tell her that her happiest and best years were still ahead of her. To tell her that she deserved better... and would find much, much better.

Sometimes life throws curves at you that you never would have anticipated. I know I have had my share. But one thing I've learned through all this is that God is always in the details. If we can just hang on to our last remaining shreds of faith, He will see us through. A door will open... eventually.

Little decisions, seemingly insignificant moments can completely change the trajectory of our lives. I am so grateful the twists and turns in my life brought me to where I am today.

I love you, Bryson.
♥

Where Did the Dinosaurs Go?

Taylor has always had a thing for dinosaurs.
After he started learning about them in preschool, however, his interest was kicked up to the next level.

The other day, he brought home a little handmade book about dinosaurs that he made in class.

It was really interesting to hear what he had been learning... but I think we still have a little way to go with the whole concept of extinction.

Bryson (reading) : Dinosaurs roamed the Earth two hundred million years ago. Now the dinosaurs are gone. Where did the dinosaurs go?

Taylor: To the museum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bryson (reading) : When dinosaurs roamed the Earth, some were fast, and some were slow. Dinosaurs were many shapes and sizes. Where did the dinosaurs go?

Taylor: To the museum!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bryson (reading) : We know dinosaurs roamed the Earth because their fossils tell us so. Now, there are no more dinosaurs. Where did the dinosaurs go?

Taylor: To the museeeeeeeeeeeeeeum!!!!!

Sounds like it's field trip time.

Vista

I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station,
through which God speaks to us every hour,
if only we will tune in.
- George Washington Carver

Canyonlands

We did it!

The Canyonlands Half Marathon in Moab, UT was held on March 21. Bryson, my life-long friend Kelly, and I all participated.

For the last few weeks building up to this race, it has seemed like everything that could go wrong did go wrong. I injured my iliotibial band on a training run. Then reinjured it falling on the ice in our church's parking lot. Next, our hotel reservations fell through. A few days before we were scheduled to leave, I sliced my foot open. Seriously. I was beginning to believe that there was some sort of Canyonlands curse at work! I was stongly tempted (multiple times) to drop from the 13.1 mile course, to the shorter 5 mile race held the same day.

But we did make it to the starting line in one piece. Somehow.

Coming into this race, I had few expectations. I knew my knee had some definite limitations-- particularly on this hilly course. As it was, I was pretty certain that I would have to take a few short breaks to stretch my ITB to avoid the dreaded knee blowout.

It turned out to be a fantastic experience.

I was able to hold a good pace for the entirety of the course, stopping a few times to stretch. I even had a little bit left in the tank by mile 12, so I was able to really work that last mile in. Crossing that finish line was one of the most satisfying feelings I have ever experienced-- perhaps, in part, due to the number of obstacles I had to overcome to get there. I finished in 2 hours, 17 minutes.

Bryson & Kelly experienced their own set of challenges in this race. Bryson set a lofty goal of breaking 2 hours, but was unable to hold the pace on the hills. He still finished at an impressive 2 hours, 11 minutes. Kelly, our veteran half marathoner, succumbed to a combination of altitude and asthma, finishing at a respectable 2 hours, 23 minutes.

This race taught me several things for which I am grateful. For example, few things in life ever go just the way you would like. Obstacles rear their ugly heads, and it can be easy to throw in the towel and hope for better luck next time. In some ways, life-defining moments are made in times like that. We are presented with challenges that seem impossible to surmount. But at the end of it all, it doesn't matter so much how fast we ran the course, or how many people we beat. What matters is that we finished. We didn't give up. We did the best that we could under the conditions that were present. That in and of itself is something to take pride in. And really, I think that applies to a lot of things in life.

The exhileration of running along the Colorado River beside sheer cliffs of red sandstone was indescribable. Each time I visit, I fall in love with Moab all over again. Thanks, B & Kel for joining me on this journey. I love you both more than I can say.

Getting Bigger

Success!

Tiny tomato sprouts are gracing our kitchen counter now... completely enrapturing Taylor & Reilly's imaginations. Every day they ask to see their plants. Miniature wisps of vegetation, devotedly reaching for the sunlight.

"Yep, they're getting bigger!" is Taylor's exclamation each time.

They are so proud.
And I am so proud of them.

Mothers and fathers need to plant the seeds of the gospel firmly in the hearts of their children, to create in them a desire to serve and also to know how to serve—seeds of hard work, seeds of courtesy, seeds of thrift.

Then, deep in their hearts, your sons and daughters need to have planted the more valuable seeds of spirituality—the seeds of cleanliness, the seeds of love, the seeds of virtue, the seeds of courage.

-David B. Haight, “Planting Gospel Seeds of Spirituality,” Ensign, Jan 1973, 74

St. Patrick's Day

May you always have work for your hands to do.
May your pockets hold always a coin or two.
May the sun shine bright on your windowpane.
May the rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

- Irish Blessing

Pigtails

Dear Grandma Brandy,

I still love my purple beanie...
But aren't pigtails fun?



Let me know what you think.

Love,
Reilly
xoxo

About Temples

With the current controversy swirling around HBO's portrayal of a "Mormon" temple ceremony on the show Big Love, I felt the need to talk a little about my feelings on the matter and temples in general.

Now, the show Big Love, which portrays a polygamous family living in Utah, isn't really an issue to me. While I don't particularly appreciate the blurred lines it creates in people's minds between my faith and an off-shoot religion that participates in plural marriage, its existence really doesn't bother me one way or another. However, having learned that HBO intends to portray a temple scene in an upcoming episode, I am saddened for several reasons.

Temples are sacred to Latter Day Saints. Within, we make covenants to God and feel His presence. Taking certain elements from the temple out of context, twisting things to meet certain needs and then portraying it as entertainment is sickening to most members of my faith. We find it disrespectful and disheartening.

The temple experience is deeply spiritual and deeply personal.

If you would like to learn more about LDS temples and their purpose, I enthusiastically endorse the documentary Between Heaven and Earth. You can watch clips of the 44 min video in its entirety (14 separate mini clips) on YouTube here. I find the insights from religious scholars of varying faiths to be fascinating.

For the Cliff Notes version, here is the latest video released by the Church in response to the controversy.



I do so appreciate the Church's stand of disengaging from conflict and contention and seeking instead to inform and illuminate.

Along a similar vein, I recently came across an interesting panel discussion held at Harvard University called "Engaging Religious Difference: Personal Quests for Purpose." Journalist Sally Quinn moderated a fascinating dialogue between 5 students of 5 different faiths. One of the students included was 20-year-old Mormon Rachel Esplin. I found her discussion of our faith incredibly poised and articulate. If you're interested, here is her portion of the panel:


Day of Faith: Personal Quests for a Purpose - 3. Rachel Esplin from Harvard Hillel on Vimeo.

The message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ is peace and love.
And that is what I wish for all of us. ♥

In a Jam

Taylor really likes homemade jam.
Especially apricot. (It's in the genes.)

In fact, he enjoys it so much that given the chance, he will eat only jam-- leaving the bread sitting in a sad state on his plate.

It has become an ongoing battle.

But I have to hand it to Taylor, he is becoming quite the smooth talker. I had to chuckle at his verbal acrobatics today...

Me: Taylor, you know we don't lick the jam off of our bread. Mommy made that bread special for all of us. We always eat the whole piece of bread with our jam!

Taylor: Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

Me: Ummm, Taylor, I'm pretty sure you did mean to.

Taylor: Mom, I'm really sorry. But accidents happen!

{3}

mark the path.
clear the way.

the ice is melting.

rivers of cold remorse flow
as i wipe away the past.

hands clasped,
our eyes lock.

i take a deep breath,
a tentative step

and enter into your sun-drenched world.

Planting Seeds

Since it would appear that Spring is on its way to the Intermountain West, the kids and I decided to start some seeds yesterday.

Taylor has been learning about the plant life cycle in preschool, so he was especially excited about the entire process. Both he and Reilly were excellent helpers. Taylor poured the water to puff up our little peat pots, and both he and Reilly helped me carefully plant the seeds at the appropriate depth.

For this opening horticultural round we started two varieties of tomato-- Principe Borghese (for melt-in-your-mouth sun dried tomatoes) and Oregon Star (for lovely sauce, salsa, and the like.) We will also be growing a bunch of heirloom varieties, but will order those as plants for simplicity's sake. Also in the batch were bell peppers (Kaleidoscope Mix), hot peppers (Mulato Isleno), and eggplant (Hansel and Bride).

Here's to good eatin' in a few months' time!

Bookworms

Happiness is...

Curling up with a good book,

a good friend,

and setting your imagination free.

The Potatoes are Awake!

Crocuses are beautiful, but our basement has another, almost creepy sign of springtime.

I think the potatoes are trying to tell us something.

Momma's Boy

Taylor: Mom, I just love you so much. Will you be my best friend?

Me: Taylor, I would love to be your best friend.

Taylor: (laughing) Well then, c'mon, Best Buddy!

He tugs me by the hand.He tugs me by the heart.

Not as Man Seeth

We hear it all the time.
The message is clear, and rings true in our hearts.

"The worth of souls is great in the sight of God." (D&C 18:10)

Such doctrine speaks volumes concerning a loving Father in Heaven who is mindful of each of His beloved children.

Today at church we were discussing missionary work, and the essential qualities that we need in order to effectively share the Gospel with those around us. The conclusion was that unconditional love for others and a willingness to heed the Spirit's guidance were the two factors from which all other characteristics are born. When we have that Spirit of love with us, we are able to see past preconceived notions and snap judgments of others.

This hit home for me on a very personal level today.

You see, when I first met Bryson while attending college, he didn't strike me as what we Mormon gals would call "eternal companion material." As I was unpacking my things from a recent transfer from BYU to Utah State, two guys walked into my apartment, looking for my roommates. One of the two struck me as decidedly off-putting. Shaved head. Goatee. He hardly spoke more than a couple words directly to me before withdrawing into an icy stare. Bryson. Rough, reserved, and estranged from anything remotely relating to church, I doubted that we would even become friends-- much less anything more.

But we did become friends. And after a particularly devastating break up on my end, we became much closer. I began to see a diamond in the rough. The tough-guy act? Merely a defense mechanism. Deeper layers of his personality began to surface. Walls that had been carefully erected began to crumble.

And yet, to this day I am still a little ashamed to say that it was not me that led Bryson back to the Spirit. Despite our closeness, and despite our growing affection for one another, I still had doubts that he would ever return to church. Instead, that particular angel happened to be a roommate of mine who had recently been converted to the Gospel. She listened to the voice of the Spirit. She saw through all his pretenses and cut to the chase. Her words of testimony penetrated Bryson to his very core, and changed him forever. And I will be eternally grateful to her for that singular act of love.

Because of course, as they say, the rest is history.

And this taught me a lesson I have carried with me ever since. Never judge someone by what you see on the outside. The mask many of us project to the world is not who we are. Some of us are lost, some of us are afraid. Some of us are jaded, some of us are hurt. But the Lord sees past all of that.

For the Lord seeth not as man seeth;
for man looketh on the outward appearance,
but the Lord looketh on the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)

God doesn't take stock in labels. To him we are not "the jock," "the geek," or "the loner." He knows us by name. He loves each of us individually and is mindful of our needs. He doesn't give up on us. None of us, not one, are "lost causes" in His eyes. His hand is always outstretched. His embrace is always at the ready.

I think C. S. Lewis says it beautifully:

It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship. … There are no ordinary people. … Your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses.
(“The Weight of Glory,” in Screwtape Proposes a Toast and Other Pieces [1974], 109–10)

So when we're tempted to dismiss someone based on first impressions, perhaps we should take pause and show love instead. More often than not, I have discovered that there's something beautiful just below the surface.

Hope Springs Eternal

It may be snowing this afternoon, but I have sunshine in my heart.
Spring is just around the corner, and I have the photographic evidence to prove it.



Welcome back, my lovelies!

Be Ye Perfect

By nature, I am a planner.

It takes great effort for me to just be. My mind is constantly exploring the possibilities of what could be, and where I would like to go next. Over the last couple of years, particularly after I had children-- I realized that this isn't really a great asset most of the time. I was missing little things, precious moments, because my thoughts were looking to the Next Great Chapter. It has been something I have been working to change... to be mindful and fully present in each moment. Some days I am more successful at it than others. Hence this blog. I started writing in an effort to keep focused on the small and yet very significant moments in my life.

I can always tell when I am not fully invested in the present because the first thing that suffers is my writing in this small little corner of cyberspace. I find I don't have much to write about because I have once again become The Planner. My mind is fixed on the future instead of focused on the here and now.

The past couple of days I decided to just unplug things and get back to basics.

To just enjoy being with my kids.
To simplify all the to-do lists, should-do lists, and would-be-really-nice-if-I-could-do lists.
To spend a little time (gasp!) on myself, scheduling time for relaxation and quiet meditation.

As a people, we Latter-Day Saints are very good at being very busy. With perfection as the end goal, certainly we do have a lot of work ahead of us. (See Matthew 5:48.)

In a discussion during Relief Society last Sunday we briefly touched on this topic. One of the sisters talked about how we can become overwhelmed with this most daunting commandment. She remarked that the scriptures do not say that we should "do perfect," but rather "be perfect."

Be. There's that word again.

Now, this isn't to suggest that our lives shouldn't be filled with meaningful, Christ-like service. Of course they should. What I guess I'm saying is that we shouldn't be so consumed with being constantly in motion that we miss out on the joys in life. The little teaching moments with our children. The tender conversation with a dear friend. The intimate reconnection with your beloved spouse. The simple gratitude that comes from quiet meditation.

We ourselves will never be able to "do" enough to win our own salvation. We are all saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. And while faith without works is dead (James 2), we shouldn't forget that works without faith is pretty fruitless too.

So here's to the present, shining moment.
Don't let it pass you by.

Finance 101

My good friend Natalie posted this clip from Saturday Night Live on her Facebook profile, and I just couldn't resist sharing it. I actually remember seeing this clip when it came out a few years ago, but with the current economic crisis engulfing the country I felt it was incredibly timely (and funny-- who doesn't love Steve Martin?).

Our ward just recently had a Provident Living fair, where living within your means was the topic du jour. We live in a weird society when it comes to finances. With advertising & continual credit offers bombarding us at every turn we have basically become a culture that believes only in the doctrine of instant gratification. A far cry from our grandparents' anthem "Use it up, wear it out. Make it do, or do without."

Now, I will be the first one to admit to random impulse buys from time to time. But hopefully the current financial events making headlines worldwide will be a wake up call. Maybe our grandparents were on to something.

The Next Insanity

With the Canyonlands Half Marathon under three weeks away, it was about time to start looking for the next big challenge... Serendipitously, my parents happened to run into a family friend of ours at a store in Cache Valley. Erin is my parents' next door neighbor and one of the nicest people you will ever meet. As it turns out, she was putting a team together for the Ragnar Wasatch Back Relay in June.

The Wasatch Back is quite the event. It is a 12-person relay covering close to 180 miles stretching along the scenic back country of the Wasatch Range. Over a 24-hour period, brave teams run from Logan to Park City, UT. Some teams run to win-- like the BYU & Weber Cross Country teams, who have a fierce rivalry in this event. Most other teams do it simply for the adventure-- to push themselves to new heights, with 11 buddies to help cheer them along.

Bryson ran the Wasatch Back last year with a team from his work and ever since I have wanted to participate as well. The course runs right past my parents' street, and as we lined the shoulder of the road to cheer the teams on, I was really taken by the entire atmosphere of the race. People of all shapes and sizes, quirky teams running in full costume, the tangible camaraderie as various teams get to know one another and encourage all to the finish line... It was fantastic! I knew I wanted to join the party this year if the opportunity presented itself.

If you ever have the chance to run one of the Ragnar Relays, I highly recommend it!



Park City TV Documentary:


One thing I've learned as I've started training for events like this is that impossible things are nearly always possible if you take things one step at a time. Last year at this time I was stressing over being able to complete a 5K. It's amazing what you can accomplish if you put your mind to it. A little belief in yourself goes a long way!!!

♥

Mormon Messages

I just learned that the Church is releasing videos on its own channel via YouTube, called MormonMessages. You can subscribe to these videos, watch them on the YouTube site, or find some of them here as the mood strikes. :)

This week I wanted to share this video by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. I just love this man. The address from which this video was taken can be found in its entirety here. I highly recommend reading it. For me anyway, it has been one of the most personally inspiring and comforting speeches I have heard in a very long time. It hits very close to home.

And now without further ado, here is President Uchtdorf.




Happy Sunday, everyone.
♥