Finding Gratitude

Sometimes, being thankful comes naturally.

We look around us and see the bountiful blessings that have been freely given and praise God for His goodness.

At other times, however, we might search with discouragement, for God seems so very far away.  Life is not always a smooth and beautiful ride, laden with luxury and ease.

Sometimes, being thankful is hard.

I have been thinking a lot about my friend Paige, and the tragedies she and her family have been living through recently.  Even though I have been through some very difficult and trying times in my own life, I am uncertain how I would cope with the loss of one husband, let alone two.  I am pretty sure I wouldn't move through those tragedies with the same grace and faith as my dear friend.   

How is it possible to feel gratitude at a time like that?
Where is the justice and mercy of an all-loving God?

A few weeks ago, my good friend Hope sent me a link to an essay written by Carlfred Broderick, a therapist and former stake president.  In it, he tells the story of an event he attended for eleven-year-old girls who were matriculating from the church's Primary program to the Young Women's organization.  As part of the event, they had a beautiful, over-the-top program based on The Wizard of Oz.  An eleven year old Dorothy and her friends skipped down the smoothly paved yellow brick road on their way to Oz-- which cleverly was made to resemble a beautiful temple.  Once they arrived at "Oz," they had it made.  All along the way, there were no bumps in the road.  No missing bricks, no flying monkeys, no wicked witch, nothing.

At the end of the program, the Stake Primary President invited President Broderick to the pulpit to make some remarks.  He knew that what he was about to say would most likely not be especially appreciated by those who had put on the program, but he felt it was crucial to make a few points clear.

He said:

Girls, this has been a beautiful program.  I commend the gospel with all of its auxiliaries and the temple to you, but I do not want you to believe for one minute that if you keep all the commandments and live as close to the Lord as you can... that bad things will not happen to you.  And when that happens, I do not want you to say that God was not true.  Or to say, they promised me... that if I [was] very, very good, I would be blessed.  

When [tragedies] happen, do not say God is not keeping His promises to me.  The gospel of Jesus Christ is not insurance against pain.  It is resource in event of pain, and when that pain comes (and it will come, because we came here on earth to have pain among other things), when it comes, rejoice that you have resource to deal with your pain.     

Rejoice, because we have resource to deal with our pain.

Even in the midst of darkness and despair, we can be thankful-- for we are not alone.  We are not left comfortless.

President Marvin J. Ashton affirmed, "Sometimes as children we were told that everything would be all right.  But life is not like that.  No matter who you are, you will have problems.  Tragedy and frustration are the unexpected intruders on life's plans.  Someone has said, 'Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans.'  It is important that we do not look upon our afflictions as a punishment from God.  True, our own actions may cause some of our problems, but often there is no evident misconduct that has caused our trials.  Just the normal journey through life teaches us that nothing worthwhile comes easy."
("If Thou Endure It Well," October 1984 Conference Report)  

A song that I have been listening to a lot these days is "Gratitude," by Nichole Nordeman.  The message in the lyrics is that even when we don't receive the blessings we so earnestly desire, that we can give thanks for the lessons we are learning as we diligently seek the Lord and strive to do His will.  It is a lesson I am continually learning piece by piece in my own life.

In the Book of Mormon, Amulek delivers this powerful testimony:

...Take upon you the name of Christ; that you humble yourselves even to the dust, and worship God, in whatsoever place ye may be in, in spirit and in truth; and that ye live in thanksgiving daily, for the many mercies and blessings which he doth bestow upon you.

And now my beloved brethren, I would exhort you to have patience, and that ye bear with all manner of afflictions... with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions. 
(Alma 34:38, 40-41) 

I love that.

Even in the midst of afflictions-- deep and dark ones-- we are still blessed beyond compare.  For we are children of a King, and He will strengthen us, help us, and cause us to stand.  (See "How Firm a Foundation," verse 3)

Our personal road of mortality is fraught with twists and turns.  But just because we stumble and fall-- sometimes hard-- it doesn't mean that our journey is at an end.  It is only part of the process.

These words from Ammon from the pages of the Book of Mormon also fill me with a joyous hope:

Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said... bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success.

Now have we not reason to rejoice? Yea, I say unto you, there never were men that had so great reason to rejoice as we, since the world began; yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God; for he has all power, and all wisdom, and all understanding; he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being, even unto salvation, to those who will repent and believe on his name.
(Alma 26:27,35) 

And for that, I give thanks.

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{five things • viii}

I've decided that for the month of November, I'd like to focus my "five things" posts on the blessings I am grateful in my life. So, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, here are five things I am especially grateful for after a long week of sickness in our home.  (See this post for details.)

- one - 

I am so grateful for the power of priesthood blessings, and a husband who holds it with humility and honor.  

Not only were our children blessed to help them recover quickly, but I also received a blessing to help strengthen and sustain me through these difficult days.  

We all were most definitely strengthened, body and soul. 

- two - 

 I am also incredibly thankful for my automatic washer and dryer.

In Hilary Weeks' book Bedtime and Naptime, she delivers a tongue-in-cheek ode to her washer, and how we really should appreciate all that they do for us a little bit more.  I think she's on to something.

I cannot imagine what the past few weeks would have been like without it.  The amount of laundry we have had to wash and rewash has been staggering.

We are truly blessed with all the modern conveniences we enjoy.

In a similar vein, I am also very, very thankful for indoor plumbing.

We'll just leave that one at that.

- three - 

I am so grateful for music.

It lifts my soul, and it brings a great spirit into our home.  We took this photo of the twins this morning playing the piano, now that they are feeling better.  Their expressions pretty much say it all.  

Whether it is being played on the piano or the radio, it is a major contributor to the atmosphere in our home.  As we have tried to listen to songs that reflect the message of Thanksgiving this past week, it has put us in a great frame of mind.

- four - 

I am thankful for Milky Way Midnights.

When I first bought the Halloween candy variety pack, I went through and picked them all out to save them for a rainy day.

The kids don't appreciate them, anyway.

At least, that's what I tell myself.

Anyway, as I was deep cleaning the house yesterday, trying to banish all the nasty germs, I found the stash.  I had completely forgotten about them.
Totally made my day.

- five - 

No matter how bad your week is, kisses and cuddles make everything better.

I am grateful for four special little spirits that I have been able to tend to and nurse back to health over the past week.

I am thankful for the extra time spent as we snuggled by the fireplace reading stories together.

(We're currently working our way through A. A. Milne's Winnie the Pooh.)

For hugs and kisses, and tender I-love-you's.

These are the moments I literally wouldn't trade for the world.

• • • 

And those are my five things for... um, Saturday!

The Do-Over

This is me, at approximately one o'clock yesterday afternoon.  Red flannel pajamas, hair unkempt, sans makeup.

Just keeping it real.

To say that the last week has been a challenge would be a horrible understatement.  Last week I was the lucky winner of a particularly unpleasant stomach bug that turned me into a walking zombie for several days.  And of course, being the caring and compassionate mother that I am, I had to share with the rest of the household.  All of us, except Bryson, have fallen victim to this nasty little virus.  Lucky duck.

Because of Bryson's challenging work schedule of late, I have been pretty much on my own taking care of our sick little brood.  It has made for some very long days and nights.  I really don't want to go into revolting detail, but just picture a first grader, a kindergartner, and two eighteen-month-old babies going through the worst stomach virus you can imagine. Welcome to my week.

It has been Vile.
With a capital V.
And I've been a mom for several years now.
There are few things that gross me out anymore.

But do you know what?

I am so incredibly happy. 
Yep, you read that absolutely right.

You see, a few weeks ago I found myself in a similar situation-- albeit not as bad-- as the one I am in right now.  Fighting a minor cold myself, I was struggling terribly as I tried to tend to my sweet little Logan-- who was suffering through an ear infection and sore throat.  He would not be consoled.  There was nothing I could do to stop his heart-breaking cries, except pray.  But my faith wasn't enough to take away my baby's pain.  As his wails continued into the night for hours, I began to feel incredibly powerless.  And resentful.

I wanted a miracle.  I wanted God to take my order and deliver immediately.  I wanted my husband to be home, where he could help me.  I wanted to sleep so that I could get over my own cold.
Wanted, wanted, wanted.

I even called up my husband at an unearthly hour and vented.
Okay, so "vented" may not be entirely accurate.
"Tantrum" is the word coming to mind that seems most appropriate here.

After I got a few meager hours of sleep and came to myself, I started seeing my actions with new eyes.

S-H-A-M-E.

I was mortified.  Had I really just presumed to counsel the Lord?  Had I really just told off my husband with complete and utter ingratitude for all he does for my family?  I wanted to crawl under a rock.  I felt like I had been given an important test and I had failed.  Miserably.

I called Bryson and apologized profusely.  I spent quite a bit of time that morning in silent prayer as I tended to my sick little boy.  I pleaded for forgiveness and for a chance to prove myself, to try again.  I prayed for the strength to do better. 

I got my chance this week.

It has surprised me how different things have been.  Even though the sickness has been so much worse in scope and severity, I have stayed upbeat through it all.  Sure, I'm tired.  But I have seen the blessings of being able to care for my family with such greater clarity this time around.

I am blessed to be in a position to care for these precious little ones.

As I have held them close and comforted them through this illness, there has been no resentment.  Only gratitude.  Instead of being so selfishly focused, I have tried to forget myself and get to work.  (Thank you, President Hinckley!)  And the funny thing is, it has only increased my own feelings of love and happiness.   

In 1984, Elder Russell C. Taylor, then of the First Quorum of the Seventy gave a fantastic discourse on service.  I happened upon it recently, and was struck by the power in these words:

I can say unashamedly, I rejoice in the service of God.  My experience teaches that the highest goodness attainable is a life of unselfish service to mankind...  Some mistakenly think that a commitment to service comes after a great spiritual experience.  This is like the man who is cold, standing before the stove, and saying, "Give me heat, and then I will put in some wood."  The joy and blessings of service follow the rendering of service. 

There comes a time in the life of all people when they must certify with their actions what they believe.  Jesus said of His own life, "The Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister." (Matt. 20:28)

Fathers and mothers, with your strength of example you will influence your sons and daughters for eternity with examples of loving, uncomplaining service far more convincingly by doing than only by saying.
("The Joy of Service," October 1984 Conference Report, emphases in original text) 

I can truly attest to the joy and blessings than come from selfless service.

As I cradled my baby girl recently, bathing her for likely the third time that day, the words of the Savior played repeatedly in my mind.

Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. (Matt. 25:40)

I have learned that as we serve our children with a deepened desire to lay our selfish interests on the Lord's altar, that He will strengthen us in ways we cannot imagine.  He will never shut us out-- and often when we are feeling that He has, it is often due to our actions-- that we have shut Him out.

If we can but humble ourselves, He will lift us above ourselves and fill us with an abundance of peace and joy.

Truly, my cup runneth over.

• • •

Celebrate giving with gratitude this month with us!