Plan B Looks Like Domino's Pizza in the Candlelight

It was supposed to be a romantic evening for two.
I had big plans for Bryson & I this New Year's Eve... well, as big of plans as you can have when you're expecting twins and exhausted all the time. But, seriously, I was excited. The plan was that we'd get the kids good and tired during the day so we could put them to bed a little earlier, and then we'd break out the surf & turf for an excellent dinner to send 2009 off in style.

Only problem is, it didn't turn out that way.

By the time 4 pm rolled around, I was the one who was good and tired-- not the kids. They had been bickering all day, and refereeing their constant fighting left me completely zapped of all energy and emotionally drained. On top of it all, my back was killing me. Bryson wasn't faring much better, coming home exhausted after a long day trip for work to Hanksville (the middle of nowhere-- although I'm sure it's lovely...) and slightly ill from a lunch that didn't sit well.

We decided to throw in the towel.
Time to call Domino's.

As Bryson fixed the kids a pot of mac 'n' cheese to feed them in the meantime, I laid downstairs on the couch moping. Suddenly I felt a little brush against my cheek. I turned to find Taylor sitting next to me with my face in his hands, beaming a sweet little smile in my direction.

"Mom?" he said, "I think you're so beautiful. I'm sorry you don't feel well."

Well, be still my beating heart.

Could someone please remind me why I was feeling sorry for myself?

I snuggled him in close and gave him a big hug.
"Oh, Taylor," I responded, "I love you so much."
"I just love you so much, too, Mom." came the echoed reply.


Happy New Year, everyone.

Happy Happy

Through the day I relaxed indoors, enjoying the beauty and renewal of a freshly fallen snow.

Through that snowstorm Bryson came, bearing flowers & Indian cuisine from a favorite restaurant.
(Yummmm, lamb saag! But shhhhhh, don't tell Sheepie!)

Through that dinner Taylor & Reilly serenaded me with sweet little songs of celebration.
(If you haven't yet heard Reilly's rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"-- trust me, you're really missing out.)

Through that celebration we indulged on homemade chocolate-buttermilk cake with a surprise shot of peppermint-buttercream filling.

It wasn't fancy. It wasn't flashy. We even forgot the candles.
But honestly?
It was perfection, all the same.

Birthday Insomnia

I woke up this morning about 3:30 am with a lot on my mind. Happy Birthday to me!

Personally, I absolutely love the timing of my birthday. It falls just between Christmas and New Year's, and keeps the excitement & anticipation of the holiday season rolling along merrily. I tend to get quite reflective this time of year. Another Christmas has come and gone, with its focus (hopefully) on the Savior, and a new year is soon to dawn. While new year's resolutions are just on the horizon for most of the populace, I start pondering similar themes a few days early.

How am I doing? Where am I headed? What might I improve?
All questions keeping me awake at this hour instead of giving myself the gift of sleep.

Looking back, I can see the long journey that has brought me to the present moment in which I find myself. The obstacles overcome. The battles fought that have rounded out who I have come to be. The wounds and scars that unfortunately hold me back.

This year, I have become painfully aware of just how self-loathing I can be. When it comes to those around me, I tend to be compassionate, understanding, and willing to give most people the benefit of the doubt. When it comes to dealing with my own weaknesses and insecurities... well, let's just say I'm not nearly as kind.

Why is that?
When did I give permission to berate myself in this manner?
It's an interesting question.

But what is of even more importance is the follow-up question: What am I going to do about it?

Just a couple of days ago I was doing some reading and came across a quote by Neal A. Maxwell that rocked me to my core. He explained, "Brothers and sisters, our individual worth is already divinely established as 'great'; it does not fluctuate like the stock market." (“Consecrate Thy Performance,” Ensign, Dec 2008, 26–30) Now, I know full well that Elder Maxwell's words are far from new doctrine. We all know that the worth of souls is great in the sight of God. But something about his phraseology took me aback-- because while my self worth may not fluctuate in God's eyes, it most certainly does in my own. And that needs to change.

We will never walk perfectly in this lifetime. We are not even expected to. Mortality is a learning process, a growing experience. We stumble, we stammer, and sometimes we seriously crash and burn. But as long as we learn something from the ordeal, we have not yet failed. We have everything in the world to be joyful about. We know who we are and whose we are. Can we not show ourselves the same compassion and love we share with others?

I'm pretty certain it would be a step in the right direction.
For when we show ourselves forgiveness and mercy as we repent and strive to live uprightly, we also free ourselves to let our lights shine brighter to those around us. By releasing our self-imposed chains, we enable ourselves to move with clarity and love. We are unrestrained in giving service to those around us with peace and joy.

That's what I want this year for my birthday.

Life is so rich, and so very beautiful. Each moment given to us is a moment to treasure and grow from.
Men and women truly are that they might have joy.
And here we are!
♥

Overheard

(Eartha Kitt's vocals in the background...)

Reilly: Hee hee hee, Taylor, she's singing about Santa Baby!!!

Taylor: (matter-of-factly) Well, Reilly, he was a baby a lo-o-o-ong time ago.

Reilly: And then he grew up to be Santa!

Taylor: Yep!

Hot Cocoa Mix

I am a homemade hot chocolate convert.
There are few things better than relaxing with a hot mug of creamy, chocolate-y bliss.

After discovering that most store bought cocoas, including the best premium brands are incredibly refined-- taking pretty much all the good-for-you stuff out of the mix-- I decided to make my own. I figure, if you're going to indulge, you might as well have a reason to rationalize why you are actually drinking for your health! So, after about a year of tinkering around with my own personal preferences, here is the winning recipe. Kick back, relax, and think about all those wonderful flavonoids that are keeping you healthy. It also makes a cute gift wrapped in cellophane with the necessary marshmallow garnish-- Taylor & Reilly gave them to their preschool teachers & coaches this year.

Homemade Hot Cocoa

5 1/2 cups nonfat dry milk
2/3 cup vanilla sugar*
1/2 cup sucanat**
3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa

1. Combine all ingredients; store in an airtight container.
2. To make cocoa, add approximately 1/3 cup to your favorite average-sized mug, fill with steaming hot water and stir well.

For a fun Christmas-y twist, you can substitute pulverized candy canes for some of the sugar-- yummy!

* To make vanilla sugar, slice open one (or more if you're a huge vanilla fan) vanilla bean and add to container of sugar, stirring up to combine. Let it sit for a few days. The seeds & pod from the vanilla will infuse the sugar with a nice hint of flavor. Or just use regular sugar if you're not feeling in a vanilla mood.
** You can find sucanat in just about any health food store as well as a few major chains, but you can always just substitute regular granulated sugar in its place, if desired.

The Light of Christmas

There is another glimpse of heaven that becomes easier to see at Christmastime. It is of light. Heavenly Father used light to announce the birth of His Son, our Savior (see Matthew 2; 3 Nephi 1). A new star was visible in both the Eastern and the Western Hemispheres. It led the Wise Men to the child in Bethlehem. Even wicked King Herod recognized the sign; he feared it because he was wicked. The Wise Men rejoiced because of the birth of the Christ, who is the Light and the Life of the World.

We remember at Christmastime not only the light that announced the birth of Christ into the world but also the light that comes from Him.

We can with confidence set a goal to make this Christmas brighter than the last and each year that follows brighter still. The trials of mortality may increase in intensity, yet for us, darkness need not increase if we focus our eyes more singly on the light that streams down on us as we follow the Master. He will lead us and help us along the path that leads upward to the home for which we yearn.

- Henry B. Eyring, “Home for Christmas,” Liahona, Dec 2009, 2–7

Silent Night

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And nary a peep
Was heard through the house--
Not even from Sheep.

Merry Christmas!
And God bless us, every one.

Priceless

A Christmas card from Taylor...
(with a little help from his teacher Miss Ashley)

Front: My mom makes us dinner.



Inside: Thank you, Mom for coming home. I like lunch. We put up the Christmas tree.

Love,
Taylor
(...spelled from right to left: rolyaT)

It All Keeps Adding Up

It is growing increasingly difficult for the kids to contain their excitement about Christmas. For the past couple of weeks they have been bouncing (sometimes literally) off the walls. Silliness has been taken to an entirely new level.

On one such afternoon recently, I decided to escape the noisy ruckus for a few precious moments of solitude. As I was enjoying the peace and quiet, Bryson poked his head in the room with a mischievous grin on his face.

"So... I think you may need to come take a look at your daughter," he explained.
Not quite ready to leave my cozy confines for the chaos I was certain to find, I complied with a sigh.
But after taking one look at Reilly twirling gleefully around the living room, I couldn't help but giggle.

"Ummmm, so does this mean I can technically refer to her as a basket case?" Bryson asked with a chuckle.


Only three more days 'til Christmas!

If You're Angel, Stop Reading This Now!

Everyone needs a cozy handmade afghan. 

It's simply just one of those crucial necessities of life-- particularly when you are coming home from a long day of snowboarding like my brother Rob and his wife Angel often do. So this year for Christmas, I decided to bestow one of those essential creations on my fabulous sister-in-law. I loved it so much, I thought I would share the pattern with you. It is incredibly easy, builds up quickly, and you can finish one of these babies in just a few days. Just pick three different (or not) colors of your favorite yarn-- I like using one multicolored skein with two different solid colors for fun little bursts of color throughout the entire project. So hanker on down on a nice comfortable sofa, put on It's a Wonderful Life, and soon you'll be wrapped up in one of these snuggable throws too!

Check it out here: http://www.lionbrand.com/patterns/80112AD.html
I followed the pattern exactly as written, with the exception of adding several additional rows to increase the total length, so my vertically blessed brother can enjoy it as well-- without having his long legs & feet stick out the end!

'Tis the season for warm cuddles on snowy nights.

The Redemption of Ebenezer Scrooge

"Men's courses will foreshadow certain ends, to which, if persevered in, they must lead," said Scrooge. "But if the courses be departed from, the ends will change. Say it is thus with what you show me!"

... For the first time the hand appeared to shake.

"Good spirit," he pursued, as down upon the ground he fell before it: "your nature intercedes for me, and pities me. Assure me that I yet may change these shadows you have shown me, by an altered life!"

The kind hand trembled.

"I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on this stone!"

Holding up his hands in a last prayer to have his fate reversed, he saw an altercation in the phantom's hood and dress. It shrunk, collapsed, and dwindled down into a bedpost.

YES! and the bedpost was his own. The bed was his own, the room was his own. Best and happiest of all, the Time before him was his own to make amends in!

"I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future!" Scrooge repeated, as he scrambled out of bed. "The spirits of all Three shall strive within me. Oh Jacob Marley! Heaven, and the Christmas Time be praised for this! I say it on my knees, old Jacob; on my knees!"

-- Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

Diplomat

It's always a dicey situation when you send your firecracker of a little boy over to a friend's house for a play date. Knowing how Taylor and Reilly tend to resolve their issues by screaming louder than should be humanly possible, it is only understandable that I should be slightly nervous about any sharing issues that might arise outside of our own home with someone else's children.

Brady & Taylor have known each other since their nursery days in church. They go way back. In fact, their friendship got off to a less than auspicious start when Taylor had to be transferred into a different class because the two of them kept getting into fist fights. Ah, memories. Now that they are older and wiser, however, they have become good buddies and have a blast together, without resorting to violence. You only have to mention the mere possibility of going over to Brady's house to Taylor to see immediate behavioral modification for the better.

But having witnessed how that behavior typically changes in the midst of a heated sharing debate, I had my doubts about the longevity of Taylor's angelic conduct while away from home. So with a deep breath and a kiss for luck, I sent him out the door, hoping that something I taught him about politeness and friendship had stuck.

A couple hours later, he arrived back home.

"How did he do?" I asked my friend, hoping the news wouldn't cause me to cringe too badly.
"Oh, they did great! We did have one little sharing issue that came up..."
(Cue the mental cringe.)
"Brady didn't want to share something Taylor really wanted to play with... But you know how sometimes kids say things that you know must come from their parents?..."
(Cue the impending stomachache.)
"Well, he said something that was so funny. He looked at Brady and said, 'Come here, Brady, and let's talk about this.' And it all turned out okay."
(Wait. What?)

No screaming? No tantrum? No flailing about?
My little firecracker is growing up.

Now Bring Us Some Figgy Pudding

It's another Christmas miracle!

Okay, well as far as a miracle goes... probably not so much. But seriously now, ask Bryson what my track record with houseplants is and you'll find that maybe "miracle" isn't too far off the mark after all.

A few years ago I whimsically decided that I really wanted to grow figs. So I did some research and ordered a cute little tree-- a variety that grows quite happily in a large pot-- from my favorite nursery for fruit and other edibles. It arrived shortly thereafter, and ever since it has been my constant companion in my exceptionally cluttered office. (New Year's Resolution #1: Learn to keep office organized.) Now, as I explained earlier on in my post, I am horrible at keeping houseplants alive. Outdoors? Great. No problem. Indoors? Well, let's just say that my green thumb dies a slow and painful death.

But somehow, the fig has hung in there despite periods of painful neglect. It enjoys plenty of western sunlight in the warmest room in the house, and as long as I remember to water it a couple times a month it keeps on trucking. It is my greatest houseplant success story. Honestly, I have been so incredibly proud simply that I haven't managed to kill this poor little tree-- my hopes for a fig crop on top of everything else were minuscule in comparison.

But this afternoon as I walked into my office, something on my little tree caught my attention. I looked closer and couldn't believe what I saw. Little green figs growing right before my eyes!!! I am so giddy right now, it's ridiculous. Perhaps there is hope for my houseplant ambitions after all.

Fresh figs.
I am already considering the culinary possibilities.
Huzzah!

Best Christmas Gift Ever

Well, the verdict is in.
Yesterday morning we went in for our 20 week sonogram. For weeks I had been counting down the days. I was dealing with much anxiety, so much anticipation throughout the past couple of months wanting to know just how the little ones were doing and growing.

So far, so good!
Both twins look absolutely perfect and healthy, and really, that's all that matters.

For a while, we weren't certain if we would be able to learn the sex of the babies-- they are snuggled in quite cozily with their legs pressed up against their tiny bodies. We had a few modesty issues to deal with. But the sonographer was finally able to coax them to move a bit so we could get the scoop on the news everyone seems to want to know.

So, without further ado, we are happy to announce that we are having...
(drumroll, please)
A boy... AND a girl!

Needless to say, everyone is thrilled.

One of the best parts for me was being able to tell Taylor & Reilly that they were expecting both a baby sister & a baby brother. I picked Taylor up from his preschool Christmas party and told him as we were loading into the car.

"So, Taylor," I asked, "You know how Mommy went to the doctor today?"
"Yes."
"Well, today the doctor was able to take some pictures inside Mommy's tummy to see what the babies are."
"Oh! What are they Mommy? Is there a brother?"
"You are going to have a baby sister... and a baby brother!"
"A brother! A brother! I'm going to have a baby brother! I'm going to have a baby brother! I always wanted a brother! I'm going to have a baby brother!"

He is pretty excited.
And I'm certain he will love his baby sister just as much.

After picking Taylor up, we drove over to my friend Dana's house where Reilly was being tended. (Thanks a million, Dana!) Armed with my ultrasound pictures in tow, I started giving Reilly the same spiel about my doctor's visit. When I told her about the pictures of the babies, I asked her (rhetorically) if she knew what they were. She looked up at me without batting an eye.

"It's a boy and a girl," she explained, as if it were perfectly obvious.
"Ummm, well, yes-- you're absolutely right," I said rather anticlimactically. I was at a complete loss for words.

Later that day I tried again to explain the news again to her, unsure if she really grasped that we did, in fact, know the sex of the babies. Once more I received the same answer, this time with an accompanying look that suggested that I clearly wasn't as bright as I looked.

"Yes, Mom. It's a boy and a girl!" she replied with a twinge of exasperation.
I guess she really has known all along. Far be it from me to question her understanding again. Sometimes I forget just how close to heaven little ones can be. I am so grateful to a loving and gracious Father in Heaven who is an active participant in our lives and knows us better than we know ourselves.

Our little family brings me the greatest joy I could have ever imagined for myself. I am so completely and utterly in love with my husband & children. Life is just so sweet.

I think Christmas has come early this year.

Hoofin' It

"1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8..."
Reilly was counting aloud.

I listened, assuming she was simply practicing her number skills.
But then came another familiar voice...

"Mom? I only have eight toes!" squeaked Sheepie.

"Eight toes?" I asked, playing along. "Really, Sheepie? You have eight toes?"

"Yes! Reilly counted them for me."

"Oh my!" I smiled back at them.

There was a pause... and then a most concerned reply.

"Something is wrrronnnnnnng with me!"


Perhaps Sheepie has figured out that she isn't quite as human as the rest of her family after all.

Grateful

I haven't taken many photos of myself during this pregnancy, but yesterday I figured it was probably about time. Believe it or not, we've approached the 20 week mark already. Half way to the home stretch for a singleton... Only 16 more weeks to go for the average twin pregnancy.

My friends from the motherland have been encouraging me for a while to post a much-anticipated belly shot, so after church I had Bryson break out the camera. After snapping a few pictures, he turned it back over to me. "Very nice," he commented.

I was a little skeptical.
"Did any of them turn out okay?" I asked.

He just looked at me and smiled.
"Check them out for yourself," was his reply.

Well, I did just that.
Honestly, it took me a little aback.

For the past few weeks now, I've had people tell me that I've been looking really good this pregnancy-- but I really haven't believed them much. It's not that I think they've been lying to me, but more that everyone is just being incredibly nice and polite. But here, now, with the proof before me, I had to stop for a moment.

"Wow," I thought, "I do look pretty good this time around."
(If I may say so myself.)

With my last two pregnancies, I avoided the camera at all cost. I don't really consider myself a vain person, but the resulting photographs were just too painful to look at. Preclampsia was not kind to my body, causing me to gain weight rapidly and swell throughout my body. The pictures from my brother's wedding in 2006 are especially difficult for me to revisit, as I can all too plainly see how badly I was starting to swell up, even in my face. It was soon after our return home from California that I was put on restrictive bed rest. (But isn't that a cute little bugger I've got in my arms?)

This pregnancy has been so different.
Yes, I was pretty sick for the first little while, but not nearly as long as I was with Taylor & Reilly. Yes, I have been dealing with exhaustion and sciatica daily-- but I will take that any day compared to the difficulties we faced prior to this.

I have been healthy. I have been active. My blood pressure has stayed nearly the same as my pre-pregnancy levels. I haven't yet experienced any swelling. All of this, even though the preclampsia odds are stacked against me-- as it is even more common in twin pregnancies.

I am grateful.

I feel like we have been carried through this experience on the wings of something greater than us all. And while I learned many important lessons through our previous trials, I am so thankful that I don't have to relive the same ones over again this time around.

So I've decided to stop hiding from the camera so much.
Helllooooooo, Mama.

And while I've still got the April 2006 picture archives open...


This is what makes it all worthwhile.

Comfy Cozy

I think all of this could be my own fault.

It started with one extra blanket one cold evening. Worried that Reilly would be just a little too cold at night, I brought in a nice thick quilt to put over her comforter for added warmth. She loved it.

Apparently a little too much.

A couple of nights later I discovered a second blanket in the room. Then a third.
I didn't think too much about it.

But after the kids had been put to bed one evening, Bryson & I became increasingly aware of Reilly's door repeatedly opening... then closing. At first I thought she was simply having a tough time winding down for the night, but then a new awareness slowly dawned on me. We walked toward her bedroom door and entered the room to discover our princess casually lounging about... with more than a dozen blankets-- and one large corduroy slipcover-- gracing her bed.


Ever since, the Battle of the Blankets has been raging covertly in Reilly's bedroom. Blankets are neatly stacked back into the linen closet-- only to be sneaked back out in the dark hours of the night. High shelves have been employed to (theoretically) keep the cozy desirables out of reach of little ones' hands-- only to spur our little soldier onward to an impressive feat of closet climbing.

But... I suppose there are worse things in life to wrestle over.
At least I don't have to worry about her being cold anymore.

Lessons We Can All Learn From Buddy the Elf

Taylor: Mom, do you want to know something about raccoons?

Me: Sure, Taylor, what is it?

Taylor: We don't give raccoons hugs, Mom...
I don't think it's a good idea.

Thank you, Will Ferrell.

(photo by New Line Cinemas)

Winter Wonderland

When the storm came through this past week, our to-do list decided to go on vacation.

It was one of those magical snowstorms-- you know, the ones you used to pray for when you were a kid. Pristine, soft powder blanketed the valley and just cried out for a moment of pause. This was no time to spend out on the town, fighting the Christmas shopping crowds or the icy roads for that matter.

Rather than fight against nature, we opted to embrace it instead. Only venturing out for preschool & a couple household necessities, we have spent the last several days celebrating winter.

Kids were bundled up to play to their hearts content in the snowy drifts until cold little hands and toes simply couldn't take it anymore. Once inside, it was only right that we warm up with a pot of homemade hot cocoa-- complete with the mandatory marshmallows on top.

It was a time to snuggle under warm afghans and watch Christmas movies. To sew cozy flannel pajamas. To throw together homey dishes like our favorite butternut squash & bacon casserole.



All those errands that seemed enormously important just a few days ago?
Well, I'm sure we'll manage somehow.

Magical days like these just beg to be savored.

Daddy's Girl

"Mom? I want to be a daddy when I grow up," Reilly declared, as if she had been preparing this announcement for quite some time.

"Oh, honey," I explained, "Only boys can grow up to be daddies. Girls can grow up to be mommies, though. Maybe one day you will be a mommy like me."

She thought it over for a few moments, then smiled sweetly up at me.

"Mom?" she asked, "Will you turn me into a boy so I can be a daddy when I grow up?"

Bittersweet Birthday

"I am so grateful for the assurance I have that if we are faithful, the same sociality which we enjoy here in this life will be forever with us in the world to come, in eternal glory."

President Henry B. Eyring, “The True and Living Church,” Ensign, May 2008, 20–24 (see also D&C 130:2)


Warm thoughts & birthday wishes are with Ryan this weekend-- today is his birthday, and tomorrow is Jen's.

We miss you, Jen!
Somehow, going to see the lights at Temple Square this time of year will never quite be the same. There are so many things I wish I could share with you-- so much to catch up on. I wish I could ask you how it was to be an auntie to triplets, now that we have our own set of multiples on the way. I miss the late-night laughter, the heart-to-heart conversations. I hope you know how much your friendship meant to me and the girls. Thanks be to God that there is so much more beyond this life.

"With ultimate hope, however, we can live cheerfully amid proximate insecurity. Life is a test in which man must overcome by faith, walking on the strait and narrow path—which is surely no escalator—but the path is there! And death is not the permanent annihilation of the human personality and individuality! [It] is a mere comma, not an exclamation point!"Elder Neal A. Maxwell, “‘Shine As Lights in the World’,” Ensign, May 1983, 9

This Christmastime, I am most grateful for our Lord & Savior who marked the path and showed us the way to an eternity filled with joy, love, and family. This life is not the end. What greater gift could be given?

Happy Birthday, Ryan & Jen.
xoxo

Paleontology Lesson

The other day I took Taylor to the store for a special treat. Having helped his dad clean old frozen tomatoes from the garden, he had earned one whole dollar for his hard work. After paying his tithing, he decided to supplement his earnings with a few more cents from his penny jar so he could afford a new dinosaur for his collection.

After we had dropped Reilly off at preschool, the two of us perused through the different species until he had settled on one in particular.

"Mom," he asked, "what dinosaur is this?"
"Hmmmmm..." I replied, "Well, it kind of looks like a Velociraptor, but I'm not sure."

I flipped the toy over to see what species we had acquired.

Deinonychus.
Super.

"Ummmm," I stumbled, "I think it's a dye-on-NYE-kiss? Something like that?"

Taylor looked at the dinosaur, and then looked back at me.

"Mom," he chastised, "It's a dye-NON-ik-kuss. It means 'terrible claw.' "

Of course it does.
Because there's nothing quite like a four-year-old talking about dinosaurs to make you feel intellectually challenged.

Double Vision

"You're measuring quite a bit larger than we would expect this far along in your pregnancy," the doctor assessed. "I think we'll schedule you for an ultrasound to check if our dates might be off... or we may have to consider the possibility of more than one baby."

My eyes widened, and I couldn't help the nervous laughter that escaped at his pronouncement.
You see, I was pretty sure our dates were correct. Back when we were expecting Taylor & Reilly, our dates were guesswork at best. We never really had an accurate due date with either of them until after our first ultrasounds. However, this time around I was almost academic in recording dates and cycles. I knew the dates couldn't be off-- at least by much. Which left... wait-- did he just say more than one baby?

A little more than 24 hours later Bryson & I met with the ultrasound tech to find out exactly what was going on. There were three outcomes I was mentally preparing myself for:
1. The dates really WERE off, and I seriously needed to go back to school for some remedial math lessons,
2. Something was wrong with the pregnancy,
or...
3. There really was more than one baby on its way.

It didn't take long at all the learn the truth. Literally a second after the tech put the wand on my abdomen they both popped up on the screen in profile. Clear as day.

"Oh my gosh!" I stammered before our sonographer could even say a word.
She grinned, "Do you see what I see?"
Bryson simply stared at the screen and squeezed my hand gently, then turned to me with an expression of both shock and excitement-- an expression that I'm quite certain was mirrored on my own face.

Twins.
Seriously?

Well, as my friend Mistie joked, "I guess that's what you get for listening to things you feel in the temple!"

So many emotions flooded my heart all at once. Surprise, disbelief, anxiety, excitement... and pure unabashed love. Watching those two little ones on the screen filled my heart with humility and awe. To understand that God was trusting these two precious children to our care was unbelievably overwhelming. To realize that my deep heartfelt desire to have four children bless our family was coming to pass-- especially when I had just started to give up hope and accept that my body most likely would not be able to handle yet another pregnancy-- caused me to break down in tears.

So while I am completely overwhelmed and unsure of how this is all going to work out, I know that we will find our way. Because we are not alone. We are never alone.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Well, Hello There!

It has been nigh unto two months since I last posted-- at least so I've been reminded.

Honestly now...
Where has the time gone?

Oh yeah, into growing babies.
Yep, that's right.
I said babies. (As in plural.)

But more on that tomorrow.


October and November, with all their accompanying highs and lows have drawn to a close. As much as I will cherish the good memories (attending a session of General Conference, Halloween, spending time with family, Thanksgiving...) I can't say that I'm disappointed to leave the dark haze of "morning" sickness behind. For the first time in many, many weeks I actually am feeling a return to clarity. A return to feeling more myself.

Hallelujah.
I'm back.