{five things • xxvii}

- one -

I am terribly slow at posting this Five Things, but it's for good reason.

Last week, Bryson got really sick. It started just like any other stomach ailment, but quickly escalated until we were fairly certain he was suffering from appendicitis. So we spent the greater part of Valentine's Day getting him tested for a bunch of things and having a CT scan at the hospital. He was in a great deal of pain and unable to sit at all-- he either had to be laying down or pacing while we waited for results.

And then after all that, every test and scan came back totally clean and clear. So the doctors gave him a tentative diagnosis of viral gastroenteritis-- which basically means "we don't know what is causing this." He had to stay in bed for awhile and keep to a bland diet, but he is doing a bit better now. I wish he would take it a little easier, but yesterday he insisted on attending all his meetings and today he is at work as usual. It's still not gone, but he is no longer in constant serious pain, so I am tremendously grateful for that.

Now I just need a few days convalescence to recover myself!

- two -

This little munchkin is officially a baby on the move.
He started army crawling a couple weeks ago, and already he is getting up on his knees and motoring around the house pretty quickly.

I can't leave him alone for a second.
But I like spending time with this little guy, so it's all good.

- three -

Rounding the corner of my neighborhood and seeing this every day always makes me smile.

The work on the temple is coming along quickly, and they just brought in a new crane to start on the stone facing this week. Pretty exciting!!!

- four -

I'm going to try and post a couple of playlists here in the next few days. One is my standard go-to when I'm having a rough day, and the other is a collection of Easter-appropriate contemporary Christian tracks. I love, love, love Easter time, and I hope that you will enjoy bringing Christ-centered music into your day as much as I have! Here's one of my favorite songs just to whet your appetite. Bethany Dillon & Matt Hammit's version of "In Christ Alone."



- five -

There is a storm brewing in our house of late. You see, tomorrow is the Big Game.
BYU vs. USU basketball.
Have mercy.

My parents were able to snag some tickets last minute, and already the kids have taken sides. Taylor is a true blue dyed in the wool Cougar, and Reilly is passionate about her Aggies. Seriously.

Being that I am the only member of the family who has actually attended both schools, I am always caught in the middle. And honestly, it doesn't matter one bit to me who wins or loses. But you may want to batten down the hatches if you're in the area...

• • •

And those are my Five Things for the week!
Thanks to Heather for hosting our regular blog hop! 
♥

The Sunset

Around five in the evening on Sunday, I happened to look across the kitchen to our sliding glass door-- which was perfectly framing a magnificent sunset.

"Reilly," I called as she sat playing at the kitchen table, "look at that pretty sunset!"

She turned and approached the glass, marveling at all the colors.

Look, Mom! There's pink and orange and blue... and a little purple too.

Her eyes were wide with wonder. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded. Then turned back to the table and proceeded to document the moment in bold Crayola strokes. The silhouette of a mountain, embraced by a breathtaking riot of color.

Handing it to me with both hands, she smiled at me sweetly.

Here, Mom, this is for you.  

And she turned back to the glass to admire the sky once more.

I stood, watching her.
Her silhouette now being embraced by those same colors she had replicated with her best six-year-old effort.

My sweet little first grader.

And the tears, they come again, as I think of a town where the sun has already set.
A town where several parents no longer have little first grade silhouettes, no six-year-old giggles outlining their evenings.
A silent night.

I have shed a lot of tears for Newtown, Connecticut.
I imagine that there will be many more still to come.
My breath catches and my heart stops every time I let the emotion of those twenty-six victims at Sandy Hook Elementary wash over me.

The parents in anguish, the frightened children, the grieving community.
No. Not community-- nation. Aren't we all grieving alongside one another?
The pain has been intense.

Yet even in despair, there can be peace. I have felt it wrap around me and comfort my soul several times over the last few days, as the God who weeps (see John 11) succors His children.

I find strength in all of the good people that are still out there in the world, giving themselves to the service of others.

"The helpers," as Fred Rogers called them:

When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.

To this day, especially in times of "disaster," I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers-- so many caring people in this world.

This is what I tried to teach my children this week as I held them a little tighter, a little longer.
There may be terrible evil in this world, but guess what? In the big picture, love wins. Every time.

Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.
God bless Newtown.
God bless us all.

Poisoned by Degrees

"MOMMY!!!!!!"

I am tackled by a flushed and freckle-faced little pixie as I enter the lobby to pick Reilly up from dance class. She beams up at me, eyes sparkling.

It takes everything within me not to let the building tears stream down my face.
She is simply unaware of the stress and anxiety I have been holding secret in my heart for the long weeks and months of late.
Blinking back.
I do not want to give myself away.

Tucking her into bed a couple of hours later, she giggles and showers me with kisses.

All the while my thoughts remain constant:

"So there you are, sweet baby. There's my Reilly-girl."

It is overwhelming.
And so very gratifying.

As this year has progressed, we had noticed that Reilly seemed a little withdrawn. With all of the ups and downs that our little family has been through over the last several months, Bryson and I had believed it to be a natural reaction to her medical issues and all of the changes that a new baby brings to a familial dynamic. We were troubled by this change in her demeanor, but thought it was a phase she would eventually emerge from. It wasn't until we received a phone call from a concerned teacher that we were confronted by the true reality of the situation.

She had become aggressive, even borderline violent toward some of her classmates. On the playground she had screamed relentlessly at a group of children, not even flinching when a teacher approached her.

This was not our Reilly.

Immediately I knew something deeper was at work here.
Something was very wrong.

Racking my brain for possible variables that could create such a drastic change in temperament, I was coming up with more questions than answers. My mind went to dark places, and worries of more sinister causes plagued my thoughts.

Knowing He would know better than I, I opened my heart and pleaded with the Lord.

Please, please... Please let us know how to help our sweet little Reilly.

And then something happened that almost never does in my own personal experience.
The answer came immediately.  

It is her medication.

With that, I snapped my head up and looked at Bryson.
"I think it might be Reilly's medicine."

After a call to her care provider at Primary Children's Hospital, we soon learned that in rare cases there had been incidents of irritability and other emotional difficulties associated with one of the medications she takes twice daily. For the last couple of weeks she has been completely off the suspected culprit, and the old Reilly is starting to reemerge.

Laughter fills our home again.
Smiley Reilly is back.

The contrast between this week and the events of late has been so striking, so dramatic, that I am taken with how unaware we were through it all. Of how low our poor little girl had sunk before we truly took notice.

This incident brought the story of Lehonti from the Book of Mormon to my mind. (See Alma 47.) Poisoned "by degrees," he meets an untimely end that might have been altogether avoided had he been more aware and perceptive.

How often do we fall into bad habits, or forgo good habits that we know are crucial to our well being-- be it physical or spiritual? Little things creep into our lives that don't seem like such big deals-- and subtly they begin to change us. And then one day, we wake up and don't recognize the person we see in the mirror.

I am reminded of a beloved sermon President Gordon B. Hinckley gave while I was in college many years ago. He related the following story:

Many years ago I worked for a railroad in the central offices in Denver. I was in charge of what is called head-end traffic. That was in the days when nearly everyone rode passenger trains. One morning I received a call from my counterpart in Newark, New Jersey. He said, “Train number such-and-such has arrived, but it has no baggage car. Somewhere, 300 passengers have lost their baggage, and they are mad.”

I went immediately to work to find out where it may have gone. I found it had been properly loaded and properly trained in Oakland, California. It had been moved to our railroad in Salt Lake City, been carried to Denver, down to Pueblo, put on another line, and moved to St. Louis. There it was to be handled by another railroad which would take it to Newark, New Jersey. But some thoughtless switchman in the St. Louis yards moved a small piece of steel just 7.5 centimeters, a switch point, then pulled the lever to uncouple the car. We discovered that a baggage car that belonged in Newark, New Jersey, was in fact in New Orleans, Louisiana—2,400 kilometers from its destination. Just the 7.5-centimeter movement of the switch in the St. Louis yard by a careless employee had started it on the wrong track, and the distance from its true destination increased dramatically. That is the way it is with our lives. Instead of following a steady course, we are pulled by some mistaken idea in another direction. The movement away from our original destination may be ever so small, but, if continued, that very small movement becomes a great gap and we find ourselves far from where we intended to go.

Have you ever looked at one of those 5-meter farm gates? When it is opened, it swings very wide. The end at the hinges moves ever so slightly, while out at the perimeter the movement is great. It is the little things upon which life turns that make the big difference in our lives, my dear young friends.

This experience with our little Reilly has driven the point home forcefully. 

Life is so very precious, and I am thankful for the excellent teachers, mother's intuition, and divine inspiration that has helped us bring the light back into our little girl's eyes once more.

Little things do matter.

{five things xxiii}

Per Heather's request, I'm posting a Five Things-- Halloween Style. :)

Now, truth be told, Halloween really isn't my favorite holiday. I have fun dressing the kids up and usually myself as well (although sleep deprivation won out to getting a costume for me this year!), but as for the creepy and gory aspects of the day I am just not a fan. I don't like violence... and scary movies are r-e-a-l-l-y not my thing, unless you're talking about old classics like Wait Until Dark.  (The last scary movie I watched was 2002's The Ring... and I'm pretty sure it will be my last. Scared the living daylights out of me, and I think I only watched about half of it-- the rest of the time I covered my eyes!) There's enough darkness in the world without me seeking it out for entertainment.

I've enjoyed hearing ideas on alternative ways to celebrate the day from interesting people from various corners of the web, including Heather, Misty, and Jen. Perhaps next year we'll incorporate some of their ideas with our own traditions to add a little extra depth to the holiday.

At our kids' charter school, instead of a traditional Halloween party, the elementary grades put on a History Fair. Each grade dresses according to the historical era they are studying in their classes and they visit all the grades to learn a little about each time period. I really love that idea, and it was a lot of fun for Taylor and Reilly.

So, without further ado, here are my five little trick-or-treaters!

- one -

Taylor's class is studying the War of 1812. In his class there were soldiers, pioneers, pirates, elegantly dressed ladies of the era... but Taylor was the only Red Coat! 

After researching a little on what the soldiers' uniforms looked like, we decided with a little modification that a marching band costume would make a great British uniform. He was quite debonaire, don't you think? 

That crooked smile. It kills me. :)

- two -

Reilly's class is studying ancient Egypt, so she went as an Egyptian princess. At first she was really excited to get dressed up and do the eye makeup, and then after she saw herself in the mirror she wasn't too sure anymore. I think she was a little nervous of being the only one decked out quite like she was. Once we arrived at the school and she saw all her classmates she became very enthusiastic again. She had lots of other Egyptian princesses, pharaohs, and mummies to keep her company. Taylor said that if he had been in her class he would have gone as Joseph of Egypt or an Israelite slave. That made me smile.

- three - 

With Dani's current girly-girl fascination with all things princess-y or fairy-related, I thought for sure she'd go with one of Reilly's old costumes this year. However, she was not impressed. Instead, she found Taylor's old horse costume and THAT is what she HAD to be this year. She was pretty adorable, I must say. Although, I kept thinking of Jacqueline from the movie Ever After and chuckling. 

"Honestly, Jacqueline, the horse is one of God's noblest creatures!"

- four -

Logan was our resident dragon this year. He was so excited when he saw the costume and immediately got into character the second he put it on. 

He has been running around the house ever since roaring fiercely, as a good dragon should.

I don't think we are ever going to get him to take it off.

- five -

And to round it all out, one of the cutest little monsters this green earth has ever seen.

I adore this happy little man.

• • •

And those are my five things for the week!

Warm wishes to you and yours.

♥

{five things xx}

- one -

Yesterday we celebrated the birth day of our newest niece, baby Iris.

Bryson and I took our whole crew up to the hospital for a visit, thinking it would be great for our little ones to meet their cousin fresh from heaven's doorstep. I was also curious to see how they would respond to a tiny babe in arms, being that our new arrival is slated to join our family very shortly.

As expected, Reilly and Dani fawned over little Iris, and took turns cradling her close and cooing over her every move. Logan at first seemed completely apathetic toward the baby, more interested in the fact that he could open and close just about any door in my sister-in-law's hospital room. However, when we sat him on Bryson's lap to actually hold the baby, his demeanor changed completely. Affectionate and attentive, my little two-year-old boy gazed at Iris and gave her countless kisses on the cheek. Taylor surprised me the most. Normally our most intense child, he was singularly gentle and tender. He was completely awestruck by his sweet little cousin. In turn I was awestruck by his soft and loving response.

I have thought a lot about how our four children will adapt to the fifth little sibling in the coming days.

After witnessing their outpouring of love and adoration for little Iris, I am sure that everything is going to be just fine. Every child should feel so welcomed and wanted. 

- two -

I am honestly just grateful to have made it to the weekend in one piece.

It has been a crazy week.

Mostly, it's of my own creation. Having known our baby's due date would fall this time of the year had me trying to squeeze in summer activities for our two oldest in the first two weeks of June. Normally, I'm not one to overschedule our kids-- in fact, I really try to stay away from that sort of thing. Now I'm even more convinced to avoid it.

Soccer day camp, track, swim lessons, dance rehearsals & end of the year recital...

I am happy to say that we made it through without too much wear and tear, and that the kids had an absolute blast.

I am even more happy that we don't have any more weeks of insanity to deal with for the rest of the summer.

- three -

As someone who grew up a Latter-Day Saint in the Chicago area, I've really enjoyed all the positive press concerning Jabari Parker, an LDS high school basketball phenom on the rise. With all the misconceptions swirling out there about my faith in the media, one of the most troubling to me personally is that Latter-Day Saints are racist. As someone who was raised not to see color and having grown up in an environment with friends and acquaintances of all creeds and walks of life, it is an accusation that really gets under my skin. 

Watching someone like Jabari speak honestly and frankly about his faith does this Chicago girl good. 

 

On a recent visit to Utah, Jabari and his brother Christian came and visited with my friend Lindsey and her children after chatting with them on a local radio program. She wrote a great post about their experience-- if you want to read a story that will bring a smile to your face, you'll have to check it out here.

- four -

Last year I wrote a post about Reilly's introduction to competitive swimming and her emphatic declaration that that was what she wanted to do when she got older.

As I've explained before, despite both Bryson's and my passion for the sport-- both having competed and coached for many years-- we have made a very conscious choice not to push our children into it. While we have made swim lessons a priority because we feel it is an important life skill to have, we haven't encouraged or discouraged the competitive side of the sport, leaving it more to them to explore and discover their innate talents and interests. I want them to follow their own passions and dreams.

But every once in awhile, Reilly's swimming aspirations rise to the surface again-- usually when I am least expecting them. This past week it was a spontaneous attempt at butterfly during swim lessons. 

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

As a former flier myself, I couldn't help but beam with maternal pride. 

It's a pretty good try for a little five year old!

After lessons that day, Reilly informed me that when she grows up she wants to be a ballerina, a swim coach, and a cowgirl.

I believe she may very well do just that.

- five -

The official song of summer has hit our house.

You know a song is ridiculously infectious when even the two-year-olds sing along with the chorus.

I am totally not exaggerating-- Logan is singing at this very moment while I embed the video from YouTube.

Taylor and Reilly know every word by heart and request that I play it on repeat.
And for some reason, it hasn't gotten old yet.
As soon as I get back to running, I expect it will go to the top of my workout playlist.

So with that, I give you TobyMac's "Me Without You"

Listen at your own risk. Just be prepared to throw down some of your best dance moves.
(It's hard to resist.)

• • •

And those are my five things for the week!
Have a wonderful weekend everyone. ♥

April Adventures • Easter Sunday

Easter is my most favorite holiday.

The fact that there is less commercialization along with fewer obligations to go, do, and be in so many places throughout the holiday season like we experience at Christmastime may have something to do with it.  But mostly, I just love the majesty of the message of Christ's Atonement coupled with the beauty of new life emerging in nature.  I love teaching my children about the Easter story, and keeping the focus directly on the Savior.

We typically enjoy a nice Easter dinner with roasted lamb as the main dish.  This year there were some complications in that regard now that Reilly is old enough to put two and two together when it comes to consuming meat and recognizing the animal from which it comes.  She was surprisingly accepting when it came to the idea of eating lamb, but she insisted that we call it "meat" and not "lamb" when Sheepie was in the room.  Whenever we spoke of Easter dinner during the week, she carefully covered Sheepie's eyes and plugged her ears so that she wouldn't be traumatized.  Such a compassionate little shepherdess, that Reilly.

The other day, she asked me out of the blue, "Mom, do you know why I love Sheepie so much?"

"Why?" I responded, slightly distracted as I unloaded the dishwasher.

"Because she reminds me of Jesus Christ." came the answer.

She now had my complete attention.

"Really?  How is that, sweetie?" I inquired.

Taylor interjected, "Because Jesus is the Lamb of God."  Reilly nodded in agreement.

"That's true," I acknowledged.  "He is also called the Good Shepherd.  I especially love His story about the lost sheep."

Reilly spoke up again, "Yes, that is my favorite story.  I love the Lost Sheep story."

Those two... they sure know how to warm this mother heart of mine.

{five things xv}

- one -

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

We love celebrating St. Patrick's Day here at our house.  Bryson has Irish ancestry running through his veins, and Reilly takes her name from that side of the family.  It's rather appropriate that she's the child that ended up with freckles and strawberry highlights.  I myself don't have any Irish blood (at least as far as my exhaustive research on Family Search has shown), but I do come from the land where St. Patrick's Day is a Very Big Deal.  I mean, we even dye the river green every year.

Since most of our family is busy helping with the stake road show tonight, we're having our big dinner tomorrow.   We're having our traditional "uncorned" beef and cabbage, which is a more healthful version of the more common dish from Martha Stewart Living.  (I substitute ginger ale & a little beef broth for the beer in the recipe.)  Served with mashed potatoes, it is seriously yummy.

Then for dessert we're trying out a new recipe for mint-chip ice cream brownies from Our Best Bites, which looks absolutely divine.

In honor of the day, here's an Irish prayer I love:

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

- two-

We had Reilly's consultation up at Primary Children's Medical Center on Thursday.

It went really well.  The short version of the story is that while her reflux is getting all the way into her left kidney that thankfully there is no damage so far.  Given the severity of her reflux, she falls into the statistical group of which 80% will outgrow the condition within five years.  So at this juncture, she will have to be on several medications and have annual checkups and tests done at Primary Children's until that happens.  If she continues to get infections despite the medication or fails to outgrow the reflux, then we will be looking at surgical options.  Hopefully that won't have to happen, though.

As a side note, can I just say how impressed I was with Primary Children's?  I realize that it is a nationally renowned hospital, but I was really taken with how keyed in to taking care of the whole child they are there.  I am very grateful to have such amazing care for our little girl within relatively close proximity to our home.

- three -

Today I'm 24 weeks along with this pregnancy.

I had about a month where I was feeling really great, but the last couple of weeks have been pretty rough.

I started throwing up again, this time in the mornings (the first 20 weeks it was evenings!), which of course has been super fun.  I've started swelling up considerably already too.  I had to take my wedding band off a few weeks ago.  I wake up with my hands very swollen, and go to bed with my feet and legs all puffy.  So far my blood pressure has been fine, but it's still 25 points above what it normally is.

Apparently my body only likes it when I grow babies in pairs.

I'm glad I have my next doctor's appointment on Monday. 

- four -

Last Saturday we satisfied my garden fever and put the cool weather crops in our raised beds.

I went through our seed stash from previous years to see what might still be viable, and planted all the seeds right into the ground.  Usually I grow our broccoli and cauliflower indoors and transplant out with the warm weather crops, but figured this year was as good as ever to experiment.  If it doesn't work out, it's not too big a deal this year since a smaller garden is probably better for us with the baby coming anyway.

- five -

I've really enjoyed reading all of the celebratory posts in blogdom in honor of the Relief Society's 170th anniversary.

I think my favorite was Misty's tribute over at J & M Ranch.  If you get a chance, you'll have to take a peek.

Some of my favorite thoughts on Relief Society come from Sister Julie B. Beck's address from the 2011 Women's Conference:

The purposes of Relief Society, as determined by the Lord, are to help us increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help those who are in need. That’s why we exist. The outcome is that we will improve women individually and as a whole and prepare for eternal life; that we will build the Lord’s kingdom and homes and wards.
We’re not entertainers. This is the Lord’s business of salvation. That’s the business we’re in. So we teach like the Savior taught, and we teach, and we teach, and we build the Lord’s kingdom. This isn’t about causes or advocacy groups, because we have an advocate. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, is our advocate with the Father. And we stand with Him, doing His work, working for His great cause...  This is not a passé, worn-out organization. It is in its ascendancy.

I couldn't agree more.

• • •

Those are my five things for the week!
Best wishes, everyone! Have a wonderful weekend.
♥

{five things xiv}

- one -

Taylor came home from school a couple of days ago with a quarter taped to a note card.  When I asked him about it, he told me that he had found it in the school atrium a few weeks ago and had been concerned about the student that lost it, so he turned it in to his teacher.

They gave it to the school office, which held on to it in case someone came looking for it.  When it was never claimed, they returned it to Taylor.

  

Now, a quarter found on the ground may not seem like a lot to you or me, but for Taylor it is some serious coin.  I was so proud of him that he would think of others before himself and turn it in.  After I told him as much and gave him a big hug and kiss he looked at me and added,

"I found a bouncy ball in the hall the other day and turned that in too...  but that one they haven't given back to me yet."

I'm grateful to hear of his small acts of honesty in the moments when no one is watching.  It does a mama proud.

- two -

Work on the temple site continues to move forward, with the construction offices and other preliminary tasks being completed.

Several weeks ago they put up this big green fence surrounding the grounds, which I have affectionately christened "the Bryson barrier."

For the last few months, Bryson had enjoyed driving his work truck onto the site and getting the inside scoop from the workers -- who happen to be from a sister company.  No longer.  He is pretty bummed about it, even though we knew it was an inevitability.

Work on the temple itself is scheduled to reconvene in earnest on the 16th, according to our stake president.  It's an exciting time.

- three -

I really enjoyed this editorial from the Huffington Post this week.

Written by Kara Gebhart Uhl, it's entitled "Apologies to the Parents I Judged Four Years Ago."

I love her take on how your perspective on parenting completely changes after you have children.  I know I am entirely guilty of having had a perfectionistic ideal of parenting prior to actually having children of my own.  When you are actually thrown into the throes of motherhood, however, reality hits hard. Suddenly you realize that some days just aren't going to go the way you'd like and you have to make peace with complete and utter imperfection.

I particularly enjoyed these thoughts of hers:

My day-to-day routine isn't what I envisioned it would be four years ago. Some of the things I imagine I'm judged on now are minor, others, a little more major. But mostly they are simple faults and I now know that they don't make me a bad parent. Sometimes I leave dirty diapers on the changing table. My children's socks don't always match. I forget to brush my daughter's hair. I use TV as a way to take a breather. I utilize the fast-food drive-thru. I bribe. I'm sometimes too easy. I'm sometimes too hard. I sometimes make the wrong decision, give the wrong punishment, ask too much, ask too little. But within all these minor and major faults is a singular truth: Most days, I'm doing the best I can. And I honestly believe that's a truth that can be applied to most parents: Most days, we're all doing the best we can.

- four -

Don't you just love the fashion sense of a five-year-old girl?

Reilly was able to go back to school this week, and yesterday was Grandparents' Day for their class.  My parents made the drive down from Cache Valley to attend with her this year, and Reilly wanted to be dressed to the nines for the big occasion.

This is what she came upstairs wearing.

In case you can't quite make out the entire ensemble, that's a bright teal shirt, pink/brown/white skirt, bright red and black checkered socks (with snowmen on them), and her gray Sketchers.  Oh, and her fake pearls-- keeping it classy.

It was so incredibly awesome.

If it had been a normal day here at home I probably would have let it go, but I figured a fashion intervention was probably best for our purposes that day.  Luckily, she was sufficiently impressed with my proposed modifications.

- five -

You may have heard on the news, but Oreo just celebrated its 100th birthday this week. 

Here at our house we're pretty healthy eaters-- mostly whole foods and all that.  But all six of us have a horrible weakness for the yummy sandwich cookies.

Growing up, Oreos were a way of life.  Every Saturday night we would have what my dad called "wild and crazy parties."  It was simply code for Oreo cookies and milk with the family.  To this day, it's not really a party at the Ensign house unless there are Oreos involved.

I'm pretty sure my sister could live off of them.

Happy Birthday, Oreo!
Thanks for the memories.


• • •

And those are my five things for the week!
Best wishes for a  wonderful spring weekend, everyone.

Silent Tears

Reilly with the stuffed bear she received from the hospital.

  

Her resonant cries brought silent echoes of my own.
Trying to be the strong reassuring mommy I stood close to her side, rubbing her legs softly as Bryson held her hand and gently stroked her hair away from her face.

Our promises that everything was going to be alright weren't very encouraging to Reilly in the difficult moment.

Undergoing a very uncomfortable and slightly invasive procedure for a little five-year-old girl while in the middle of a painful urinary tract infection, the entire experience was more than she could bear.  Her sobs echoed throughout the radiology wing of the hospital.

At the peak of the discomfort, Reilly looked at Bryson and pleaded through her tears, "Oh, Daddy, please make it stop!"

There was nothing I wanted more than to take her pain away.
I wanted to cradle her in my arms and make her feel safe and secure again.   
But I couldn't.

As a parent, I knew that this test was absolutely necessary to her well being.
But still, her pleas cut deeply into my heart.

Life can be full of difficult and painful experiences.  There have been times in my own life when I have found myself in the middle of a desperately bleak situation and have wanted to cry out to my Father in Heaven just as Reilly did, "Oh, Daddy, please make it stop!"

Sometimes we have to go through the heartbreaking trial anyway.
Sometimes it is absolutely necessary for our well being.

I realize-- and empathize with the fact-- that many people have difficulty in making peace with the idea of an all-loving God with the amount of suffering that is so pervasive in our world.

How could God allow such a thing to happen?

It's an all too common refrain.

But standing in the radiology wing that day with my sweet little girl, I gained an entirely new perspective.

This life is not meant to be an exercise in pleasure and constant leisure.  We are here to learn, to grow.  To gain necessary experience, which will refine the soul.  It is not an easy thing.  Many times we are placed in decidedly uncomfortable and painful situations.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell once opined:

Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, "Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken.  Keep from me, Lord, all those experiences which made Thee what Thou art!  Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share Thy joy!"
("Lest Ye Be Wearied and Faint in Your Minds," April 1991 Conference Report)
  
But just because God does not see fit to take the pain away does not mean that He is not there, cradling us in His arms with silent tears of His own.  He is always there, even in the most lonely of trials. 

When we stand shaking and alone, thinking "The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me."

He answers softly but reassuringly:

Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb?  yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands...

Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains:  for the Lord hath comforted his people and will have mercy upon his afflicted.
(see Isaiah 49:13-16)

Never alone.
We are never alone.

{five things xiii}

- one -

Just when I was starting to relax a bit when it came to Reilly and her health issues of late, everything came roaring back in full force this past week.  

Wednesday morning she was looking a bit pale, so I took her temperature even though she didn't feel warm.  It was normal, but decided to keep an eye on her and had her rest rather than start getting her ready for school.  Just a couple hours later her temperature had risen above 101°.  By the time we arrived at the doctor's office a short time later it was well above 102°.

Given the serious nature of these infections and the fact that she's now been in three times in the past few months for the same thing, we had some tests done at the hospital to check for underlying issues.

After a very traumatic diagnostic procedure (for both Ry and her parents!) it was discovered that she has a condition called vesicoureteral reflux.  We are still waiting on the pediatrician's assessment as to severity, but hopefully this is something she will outgrow.  If she doesn't, or if the severity is determined to be too great a risk factor, she may have to undergo surgery.  Despite this, it is a great relief to finally have some answers.  We are thankful that we have a diagnosis and a path forward.

- two -

Thanks to everyone who left encouraging words about my lesson last week.  I was pretty certain it would all work out-- it always seems to.  This last time, though, I was overwhelmed by so many thoughts and ideas and the importance of the topic was weighing heavily on my mind.  

With everything that has been going on here lately-- coupled with my fuzzy pregnant brain-- it was a challenge to find that still small voice.  

But find me it did.

I actually went to bed the night before my lesson around nine.  I had read, studied, and pondered the material for weeks, but still hadn't felt that spiritual nudge as to where my focus needed to be.  My lesson outline remained elusive.  I was so tired, and it just wasn't coming.  So I went to bed with a prayer in my heart and my alarm set to rise early.

Around four in the morning I got up out of bed-- a series of small things continued to wake me from three o'clock on, so I decided to take it as a sign.  In the quiet of the dark and silent morning the words finally came. 

 The lesson went very well, I think. 

- three -

I had fun reading about Heather's favorite Dr. Seuss books on her Five Things post in honor of Dr. Seuss's birthday yesterday.  Our favorites are very similar-- growing up, mine were Yertle the Turtle, The Lorax, and The Sneetches.   Yertle the Turtle was one of my family's all-time favorite bedtime stories.  I can still vividly remember curling up on the bed in my parents' room and having them read that book to us.  Poor little Mack.  Each time his burp sent the tyrannical Yertle down from his lofty heights we kids would giggle and giggle.

But perhaps even more well-loved than Yertle in our family was the short story that immediately follows it in the book-- a tale about a little bird named Gertrude McFuzz.

The moral of the story-- that vanity, jealousy, and materialism can only lead you down a dangerous road have stuck with me through the years.  As I've seen our culture cultivate a pervasive attitude of entitlement, this lesson seems all the more relevant.   

- four -

The past couple of weeks I've enjoyed listening to Audrey Assad's new album Heart.

A blend of Christian contemporary and indie singer/songwriter genres, it is right up my alley.  It has been my soundtrack while I've been navigating the past difficult week.

- five -

Even though there's five inches of snow on the ground right now, I have major garden fever.

Does anyone else get that this time of year?

I always do.

This is the time of year I start planning what our garden will hold-- soon it will be time to plant peas and other frost hardy crops, and we'll start our heirloom tomato seeds under the grow lights in our basement.

I'm trying-- somewhat unsuccessfully-- to restrain myself this year, because my due date in early July is seriously going to limit my ability to cultivate and harvest this year.  I realistically know that I can't handle a large diversified garden, but I think I'm in denial about it.  I'm still poring over seed catalogs and daydreaming about new varieties.  This may be a problem. 

• • •

And those are my five things for the week!

Best wishes to all for a wonderful weekend.

♥

{five things xii}

- one -

I seriously woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

For a good two hours this morning I was grumpy and generally unpleasant to be around.  I have no idea why.  There was no cause for it.  Life is good.  And it's Friday to boot! 

Luckily, I had my Domino handy to turn my mood around.  There's nothing quite like the unpretentious enthusiasm of a dog to make you feel absolutely ridiculous for not embracing the day at full throttle. 

- two -

Bryson & I had a wonderful Valentine's week.  No flowers or chocolates or anything like that-- Bryson is actually a little anti-flowers on Valentine's because it's the "expected" thing to do, coupled with the fact that all the vendors raise their prices so drastically in response to the demand.  He prefers to surprise me with flowers on random occasions, "just because."  I'm totally on board with that. 

Instead, we had take-out on Valentine's Day from our favorite local Indian restaurant after the kids were put to bed and made a fancy night at home of it. 

Then on Friday evening we went out on our big date.  Bryson made reservations at Caffé Molise in downtown SLC, which is an amazing regional Italian restaurant.  The food was absolutely fantastic and the live jazz was wonderful as well. 

Afterward we walked the half block from the restaurant to Abravanel Hall to enjoy the Utah Symphony's performance of Beethoven's 4th Symphony and Rachmaninoff's 2nd Piano Concerto.  The Rach. 2 is one of my all-time favorites.  Although I must say that every time I listen to Rachmaninoff in general I feel a great need to practice the piano more often!  I can only dream to play like that. 

Classical music is so breathtaking live-- my favorite thing is the way the warmth of the lower strings (the cello and bass) wrap around you like a musical embrace.  Beethoven's 4th is a wonderful representative of that.  It's something completely lost when you listen to a recording.

I love that even though Bryson is utterly tone deaf and not particularly musically inclined, he loves going to the symphony.  Rock concerts and the like he could take or leave, but listening to a live orchestra is something he thoroughly enjoys.  I married well.

Thanks for a perfect evening, B.  I love you.  

- three -

Apparently, Monday was a Very Special Day.

It was Sheepie's 5th birthday.
(According to Reilly.)

There was a big to-do around here.
Taylor and Reilly spent the greater part of the afternoon getting everything ready.

Presents, party hats, colorful decorations.
Sheepie even had a party dress.

It's moments like these that I soak up, realizing that before I know it, the little sheep-toting Reilly that I know right now will be all grown up.

These are the moments I will miss so much.
Happy Birthday, Sheepie.

- four -

I had my 20-week ultrasound last Friday as well.
I was a little nervous going in, because I haven't felt much movement-- and after delivering four babies, I typically feel movement earlier and more frequently by this point than I have with this pregnancy.  With the ultrasound we learned that the reason for this is that the placenta is lying anterior to the baby, basically putting another barrier between him and my ability to feel movement.  Everything looks just fine, and that is a tremendous relief.

And, yes, it is a boy!!!!

To be honest, it really wasn't much of a surprise...  Even before we started trying for this pregnancy both Bryson and I had the strongest feeling that it was a little boy that would soon be joining our family.

We are so thrilled.
Well, everyone is-- except for Reilly.
She is a bit disheartened that the girls in our family are soon to be outnumbered.
She brightened up a bit, however, when I reminded her how much she loves the brothers she has now. 

- five -

This Sunday I am teaching a lesson in Relief Society based on Elder Andersen's Conference address on children.

It was my favorite discourse from our most recent General Conference.  I think it is an important talk, with so much that is timely and worth thoughtful consideration.  When I received the assignment, I was really excited.  Now after several weeks of careful study, I am struggling a bit.

In our ward there are women of all backgrounds and situations-- some that have never married, some that have not been able to have children, some that have not been able to have the number of children that they have wanted to have for various reasons.  I fear that there might even be a few that may take offense to the idea that motherhood and having children is a true blessing and an ennobling calling.  It seems that our LDS culture has shifted away from large families.  I've been hearing a lot that for many modern Mormon moms "three is the new six."

Now, I know family size is a deeply personal matter between spouses and the Lord.  The number of children a couple has is most definitely not an accurate measure of how righteous they are.  But I wonder at some of those flippant comments when I hear them.

I know that the Spirit will help guide me as I sort through my lesson material. I'd love to hear any thoughts you might have on the subject as well.  I know there are minds out there that are infinitely superior to mine.  :)

• • •

Those are my five things for Friday!
Have a wonderful weekend, everyone.

The Loves of Her Life

Before sending her off to her afternoon kindergarten class, Reilly and I spent some time completing some schoolwork she had been assigned.  In recognition of Valentine's Day, she was asked to draw pictures of things that she loved on one of her workbook pages.

She didn't even have to think about what she would draw to begin with.  

"Sheepie!"  She exclaimed, happily drawing her favorite little grey friend.

Carefully labeling her drawing, she went to turn the page to start the next assignment.

I stopped her before she continued on.

Isn't there anything else that you love?

She looked back at me blankly.  "Like what?"

"Well," I elaborated, "what about your family?  Don't you love your family?"

Suddenly the light went on, as she realized that the assignment could also include people and not just things.

She looked at me aghast.
"Of course I love my family!  I don't love Sheepie as much as I love God and my family!"

She quickly amended her original drawing.
 

Her simple faith, full of trust and love for her Heavenly Father inspires me to do the same.

Just as little children trust, each of us must have that same childlike, unreserved trust. We must all remember that we are sons and daughters of God and that He loves us very much. If we truly understand who we are, we will have an unfailing source of hope and comfort.

- Elder W. Craig Zwick, "The Lord Thy God Will Hold Thy Hand," Oct. 2003 Conference Report. 

Thanks for the reminder, Ry.

of things that matter most

"Huh."

At his outburst, I looked over at Bryson, who was sorting through some incoming emails he had recently received.

Seeing my quizzical look, he quickly elaborated.

"It looks like I just won a pair of tickets to the Jazz-Kings game."

We were both excited about the good luck that had come to us.  A night out on the town sounded like a great idea to me.  After a chaotic last month, a fun date night in the city seemed like just the ticket.  Then, scanning the rest of the information, he suddenly stopped.

"Oh.  Well, that's not going to work."

The upcoming game was scheduled for Saturday night.
The very same evening as Reilly's dance academy's production of Alice in Wonderland.   

I studied his reaction, wondering how he would take the news.
But there was not even a moment's hesitation before he made up his mind as to what he would do.

"Well, I think I'll give them to the Hyers.  They're really big Jimmer fans, after all.  I bet they would have a great time at the game."

And that was that.  

Saturday evening came, and found Bryson sitting not in the Energy Solutions Arena, but in our small town's high school auditorium.  While the NBA pros battled it out on the court, he was otherwise occupied-- watching the cutest little bunny in all of Wonderland perform her little heart out.

Reilly never knew that her daddy had chosen her over the free tickets.  And really, there was no need.  Because, in Bryson's mind, there was only one real choice to be made.  Nothing was more important than his little girl.  She was the star worth seeing.

I've thought a lot about his simple, easy decision over the weekend, and every time I do I have been filled with such a deepened love for this wonderful man I am blessed to walk beside each and every day.  When I married him, I didn't think there was any possible way I could love him more.

I was wrong.  So very wrong.

I am so grateful to have such a man as the father to our children.
In my opinion, attending a little girl's ballet recital was the very definition of true manhood.

Later that evening after the recital, I found Bryson listening to the final minutes of the game on the radio.

"So," I asked, "are you disappointed you couldn't be there tonight?"

He smiled.

"I was exactly where I wanted to be tonight."

True manhood, indeed.

{five things x}

- one -

First of all, I need to thank my mom for bringing sunshine back to the Beehive State.  

She is flying home from Hawaii today, and I asked her to bring some sunny skies with her.  The days here have been so grey and murky lately, to see sun and experience fresh air-- even if it is still cold-- is a most welcome treat.

 

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

That's better.

Thanks, Mom!

 

- two -

Reilly finally seems to have won the battle over the infection that had been plaguing her the last couple of months.  

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!

Recent lab results had given us some preliminary good news, but I wasn't quite ready to breathe easier until we got the more in-depth culture results back from the hospital.  Thankfully, everything came back clean.

Finally the color has returned to her face.  Her beautiful freckles, which had completely disappeared while she was ill are brightening our days again. 

I am so happy that chapter is over and done with.

- three -

Lately it seems like my entire life has been spent on simply keeping up with the essentials.  It is always a bit frustrating not being able to keep up with what used to be a normal routine now that I am pregnant.  I have to keep telling myself that as long as everyone has clothes on their backs and food in their tummies that we're doing okay.  The house may never be as clean as I'd like over the next few months, and I'm making peace with that.

I also decided to start taking some time during the twins' naps to work on something creative.  I'm an artsy person by nature, and a new project has done wonders for my outlook lately.  I decided to make quilts for the twins' birthday gifts this year.  They will be my first ever pieced quilts.  I'm using fabric from Aneela Hoey's "Sherbet Pips" and "Little Apples" lines that I got on sale awhile back. So far the blocks are turning out really cute.  I think Dani & Logan will love them-- they keep trying to run off with the finished blocks already! 

- four -

There has always been a budding paleontologist in our house, but as of late there has actually been an honest-to-goodness dinosaur dig going on in our kitchen.

For Christmas this year, Taylor's Uncle Rob & Aunt Angel gave him his very own paleontology experience-- a Tyrannosaur skeleton excavation kit.  For the last several weeks he has spent hours carefully digging his T-Rex out of what appears to be some sort of plaster, imitating the compacted earth that real scientists experience.

With only a few bones remaining to uncover, he is one happy dino-lover.

- five -

Tomorrow, I'll be 17 weeks along with this pregnancy.

Things have been going fairly well, aside from a little scare a while back when the doppler was unable to pick up the baby's heartbeat.  An ultrasound relieved those concerns, and also confirmed that there is just one baby on his or her way this time.  It made me a little sad at first, because having twins has been such a sweet and amazing experience, but over the past few days I've come to think that the idea of having just one little baby to snuggle and savor sounds quite heavenly.  Just one!  I don't know if I even remember what that's like!

The nausea thankfully has been starting to ease up gradually over the past few days.  Now the biggest issue I'm facing daily is the chronic fatigue and horrible sciatica that likes to sneak up on me.  There is nothing quite so disconcerting as having your legs suddenly give out right under you.  The back pain I can deal with.  But when it starts limiting my mobility, it gets pretty interesting around here. 

The things we go through for our little ones!

While it is certainly difficult, I am honestly thankful for the lessons I've learned along the journey.

(Just usually after the fact.)

 • • • 

And those are my five things for Friday!

Have a wonderful weekend, all!