Angels

Yesterday.
It wasn't such a good day.

My sweet Reilly-girl, who had been ailing for the past several days took a turn for the worse.
A high fever, chills, and a side and tummy ache.  She looked as pale as death: her skin almost translucent, dark purple circles around her eyes, emphasizing the contrast.  Listless and lethargic, she only wanted to crawl under her blanket and cry.

A trip to the doctor's office did not provide many answers-- other than what her condition wasn't.

It wasn't strep.
It wasn't the flu.
It wasn't appendicitis.

Genuinely concerned, the doctor told me that it was most likely a simple virus, but if she wasn't feeling better within 36-48 hours that I should call him immediately.

Not feeling super great myself, I girded up my loins for a long afternoon.  The kind where a mama's needs definitely take a backseat for her little ones.  It's always in those moments that providential strength comes to lift and comfort, even if it doesn't always make things easier physically and emotionally.

By the time evening came, it found me sitting on our ottoman, head in my hands.
I was just absolutely exhausted in every way imaginable.

It was at that moment that there was a little tap on my arm.
I moved my hands from my eyes to see my little Logan grinning back at me.

"Hi," came his sunny greeting. 

His enthusiasm was infectious, and I couldn't help but laugh as I picked him up and held him to face me eye-to-eye.

He looked at me, and making certain I was keeping eye contact with him, he placed one small hand on each side of my face.  Cupping my face in his hands he smiled warmly at me and made a single emphatic pronouncement.

"Mama."

He then tapped my cheeks with his palms, as if to reaffirm the message.
It came through loud and clear.

"Mama."

I am so grateful for the angels-- seen and unseen-- that get me through the difficult moments in life.

Especially little 20-month-old ones.

{five things ix}

-one-

So today's five things was actually started on Friday night, I promise.  These days, writing sometimes has to come in tiny increments.  But when I started putting my Friday five together, it was 8:30 in the evening, and as I looked around I realized that I had spent the entire day in my pajamas.  It was just that kind of day.  In fact, the only members of my family who had actually changed into normal everyday clothes were Bryson and Taylor.  Reilly had spent the day at home sick, and the twins just sort of had a pajama day by default.

In fact, most days you can find me in my bright red flannel pajamas.  They've kind of become my new uniform.  They're warm.  They're comfy.  They have a stretchy waistband.  Seriously, what's not to love?

-two-

If my pregnancies could have a sponsor, it would be the little Mexican food chains here in Utah-- Betos & Rancherito's.  I'm pretty sure that they're run under the same parent company, although each restaurant seems to be independently owned and operated.  While the idea of most food in general right now absolutely turns my stomach, I can't get enough of their ham & egg breakfast burritos.  And honestly, those things are monsters-- like, football-sized.  Almost.  In my non-pregnant state I can barely put down half of one.  But now...  Oh, heaven help us.  It must be the protein that my body is craving, but holy cow.  The adorable little Mexican-American lady that works the drive up in the mornings has gotten to know me well through my pregnancy with the twins and now these last few weeks.   

-three-

Contrary to what you might assume, this is not a crime scene photograph.

A few weeks ago, we purchased some toddler beds for the twins.  Nights have been... well, interesting ever since.  This was the scene one morning when I came to check on them.  Logan was cozied up on his bed just fine, but Dani...  Well, you can see for yourself.  Blankets strewn about the room, and she was snoozing face-down, with her winter coat over the top of her.  We're hoping she gets the hang of it soon.

-four-

Last week, I actually had a couple-day stretch where I felt pretty good.  Since I had a bit of energy, I decided to make some Christmas cookies.  Taylor was at school, and Logan wasn't interested, but my girls were all on board for the adventure.

As you can see, Reilly "helped" thoroughly.

I tried out a new recipe this year, a "chocolate crinkle" cookie-- you can check out the link for the recipe!  They are very good.  Following the recommendation of one of the reviewers, I rolled half of the cookie dough in powdered sugar for the traditional "snowball" look, and then I rolled the other half in regular granulated sugar.  After baking, I let the glittery granulated ones cool somewhat and then added a candy cane Hershey's kiss to the center.  Ta da!  Two cookies for the work of one!  Awesome.

-five-

Last, but certainly not least, I wanted to show you my most favorite thing at the moment.  This is a picture that Reilly drew for me of our family.  Note how many people are in the drawing.

There are so many things I love about this picture.  I love that she chose to draw the new baby as already a part of the family-- in fact, right at the very center!  I love how happy everyone is.  I love that Reilly chose to draw herself right in between Bryson and I, and that she's looking up at us with a big smile.  And that her big brother Taylor is looking down at her, watching over her.  So true to life (most days).  Family really is the most amazing gift.  I'm so grateful for a home that is filled with real and honest love.

• • •

And those are my five things for last week!

♥

What Can I Give Him, Poor as I Am?

Three years ago, my eldest boy, Taylor, was three years old.
Three is a magical age for this time of year.

• Taylor, 2008 •

It was just days before Christmas, and I was tucking him into bed.  We had read a story, said his prayers, had hugs and kisses, and turned out the light.  There in the darkness, just as I was about to head for bed myself, I heard Taylor's little voice.

"Mom?"
"Yes, honey?"

Turning to face him, I noticed a most concerned expression on his face.

He sighed.

"I just don't know what to get Jesus for His birthday!"

I paused for a moment, wanting to respond with the same sincerity he was showing.  In the quiet darkness of his room, one of my favorite carols came to mind.

 
What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb.
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part.
Yet what can I give Him?  
Give my heart.
("In the Bleak Midwinter" music by Gustav Holst, lyrics by Christina G. Rossetti)
 
Looking at Taylor, I smiled.

"I think the best present to give Jesus would be to show kindness and be a good friend to everyone. Do you think Jesus would be happy if you were nice to your friends?"

He thought for a moment, and nodded with a grin.

"Yes, Mom, I think that's a good idea."

And with that small but significant moment, my perception of Christmas and what it could mean in the lives of my children shifted.

One of Bryson's and my favorite books to read during this season is A Christmas Carol.  If you haven't read the original words, unabridged from Charles Dickens himself, I highly recommend doing so.  There are so many beautiful passages that tend to be left out in the newer, more secularized versions.

A favorite passage comes from the dialogue between Scrooge and the ghost of Jacob Marley, as Marley laments to his old friend about what might have been:

"At this time..." the spectre said, "I suffer most.  Why did I walk through crowds of fellow-beings with my eyes turned down, and never raise them to that blessed Star which led the Wise Men to a poor abode!  Were there no poor homes to which its light would have conducted me!" 

More recently, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf echoed the same sentiment in his counsel to all:

“Like the Wise Men of old, [we] should seek the Christ and lay before Him the most precious of gifts: a broken heart and a contrite spirit. We should offer Him our love. We should give Him our willingness to take upon ourselves His name and walk in the path of discipleship. We should promise to remember Him always, to emulate His example, and to go about doing good.”
("Christmas is About the Christ," 2011 First Presidency Christmas Devotional)
 
The Book of Mormon also teaches us that if we are to serve God, we must turn our eyes and our hearts to those around us.

And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.  (Mosiah 2:17)

When Christmas becomes more centered on the Savior, the presents and packages, the tinsel and trimmings, all seem dull in comparison to the everlasting gift Christ has given each of us.

It becomes less about dollars and cents, and more about service and an overwhelming sense of genuine love for all.

What can I give Him?  
Give my heart.
 
And, really, I can't think of a better gift than that.

• • •

This post is part of a blog hop hosted by the Book of Mormon Forum!

Please feel free to join us and link up your Christmas posts below.

It's True

Each year as we approach Christmastime, I consider how to best teach my children the true reason for the season.  While I love Santa and all that good stuff, I try not to make it the focus of our holiday.  At home, we listen to Christmas music constantly, and I try to keep the majority of songs centered on the Savior.  

An artist that I love, Christmastime or not, is Sara Groves.  This year, as I listened to her song "It's True," I suddenly started to cry.  I think as a mother, daughter, sister, and friend, this song seems to express so well my own feelings and beliefs about the Nativity story at this specific moment in my life, and how I want my children to feel about it as well. Despite the doubt that is so prevalent in the world today, we don't have to be hesitant.  As Toby Groves says so sweetly in the song, "Is anything too wonderful for God?" 

In keeping with that spirit, I put together a slideshow for my children to go along with Sara's beautiful lyrics.  I thought I would share it with those who would be interested here.  It's my hope that it brings a little Christmas cheer into your day.  

Remember the reason for the season!  Despite all the secular traditions we enjoy this time of year that have their basis in fiction, the wonderful truth of the matter is that the real Christmas story is not mere fantasy!

Just as in the Holy Bible, the Book of Mormon also testifies of Christ's sacred birth.

And it came to pass that I looked and beheld … the city of Nazareth; and in the city of Nazareth I beheld a virgin, and she was exceedingly fair and white.

And I looked and beheld the virgin again, bearing a child in her arms.

And the angel said unto me: Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father!
(1 Ne. 11:13, 20-21)

Alongside Christians of all denominations and faiths, we also rejoice over the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ-- He who was born to save us all.  He was born for you and for me.  Each of us, individually and collectively.

It's true!
Glory to God in the highest.

Consecration of Will

It is ten minutes to ten o'clock in the morning, but it might as well be the middle of the night.
My body just wants to sleep.

I wish pregnancy was easier on me.
I really envy some of my girlfriends, who seem to waltz through the prenatal months so effortlessly.
Gracefully.
Unfortunately, that is simply not my lot in life. (Pregnant or not!)

For me, pregnancy is an arduous process-- it taxes my body, my mind, my spirit.
No matter how prepared I think I am going into things, it never fails to surprise me all over again with just how difficult it can be.

But, really, it's okay.

If this is the sacrifice required of me to bring another precious spirit into our family, I accept it whole-heartedly.
Gracefully, even.
(Most days.)

In the Gospel of Mark we read:

And [Jesus] took a child, and set him in the midst of them:  and when he had taken him in his arms, he said unto them,

Whosoever shall receive one of such children in my name, receiveth me.

Just days after the twins were born, I began having the strangest thoughts come over me while I was holding my newborns-- particularly with Logan (he is the "baby" of the two).  Even though I was *certain* that our family was complete, I kept getting these little impressions that there was yet another pregnancy to come.  At first I shrugged it off, telling myself that I was just feeling a little sad at the prospects of being done with this stage in our lives.  As much as I loved these little ones, I did not especially want to put my body and spirit through the rigors of another nine month ordeal.

The impressions continued, however.  They nagged and resisted my attempts to reason logically with them as to why our family was just fine the way it was.  When they persisted despite all my best efforts to sweep them under the rug, I slowly began to recognize them for what they were.

God had a different plan than we did.
And being that His plans always work out so much better than my own, I decided that maybe I ought to listen.

So I did.  And gradually, over the course of a couple of months, my heart began to soften.
As I opened my heart to the idea, I decided that I probably better break the news to Bryson.

I think I kind of blindsided him.

But after a few weeks of considering the impressions I had shared with him, he had a deeply personal experience of his own that confirmed the path that lay before us.
 
After that, we never looked back.
We've gone forward in faith, trusting in the Lord's timing.

Which is not to say that there haven't been times when I have questioned the sanity of adding another spirit to our family with all that is on our plates.  But at those moments I remember the experiences I have had, and in Whom my trust is placed.  Reconsideration was never an option.  (And a little bit late at this point!)

So while these next few weeks and months will be a considerable challenge, I am heartened by the knowledge that I am not alone.  And that He is happy with the path we have chosen.

... The submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar.  The many other things we "give," brothers and sisters, are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us.  However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God's will, then we are really giving something to Him!  It is the only possession which is truly ours to give.

Consecration thus constitutes the only unconditional surrender which is also a total victory!

(Neal A. Maxwell, "Swallowed Up in the Will of the Father," Oct. 1995 Conference Report)