Heartache

Have you ever had a group of friends that changed your life so profoundly that they stay locked within your heart forever?

That was my experience with the five girls I lived with in my third year at BYU.  Here we are together at an impromptu slumber party on our apartment's living room floor.  Starting clockwise from the top left is Elizabeth, Melissa, me, Paige, and Emily C.  Our sixth roommate, Emily P. is taking the picture.  We became like sisters as we navigated the shaky waters of young adulthood together.  Through good times and bad, we leaned on each other.

In a lot of ways, Paige was the rock that held us together-- and not only as the foundation for our fun little pigpile here.  She seemed so poised, faithful, and wise beyond her years.  She knew exactly who she was and what she wanted to do with her life.  In contrast, I was struggling to figure out the answers to those same questions.  I had a lot of admiration for her.

Over time, we all went our different ways.  Paige married her college sweetheart, Lence.  I transferred to Utah State.  Though we drifted apart over the years, we never forgot the close ties that bound us together during that pivotal year.  And thanks to Facebook, we were able to reconnect with one another again.

Then came the afternoon, two years ago, that I learned the news.

Lence, Paige's husband of ten years and father to their five young children had been killed.  He was shot several times by a tenant of an apartment complex that he owned.  It seemed an inconceivable, impossible act.  We were devastated for Paige and her four little girls, and one baby boy-- only 8 months old.   

How on earth do you go on breathing after something like that?
I wasn't sure.

But Paige did.  She kept breathing and more.  She pressed onward, her faith in tact, and trusted in the Lord's plan for her and her family.

And once again, I could only marvel.

This past spring, we all rejoiced as she remarried a wonderful man named Brian.  We were all so happy to see Paige find love again.  It seemed only fair after all she had been through that she would be able to experience an abundance of joy once more.

And then more news came this afternoon.

Brian, Paige's newlywed husband had passed away in their home last week.

I think my heart literally stopped beating for a few seconds after I received the message. 

How?
Why?
Where is the justice?  The mercy?

Mostly, I just wanted to reach across the miles between us and give my friend a hug.  To cry with her.

I don't understand all the reasons that some people seem to have to suffer so much more than others in this life.  All I know is that through it all, we are not left comfortless.  Our Savior is there to lean on at all times, and to carry us through the moments we feel that we can go no further.

And one day, we will kneel at His feet and with a greater understanding we will be able to stand back and see with perfect clarity.

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.  (Revelation 21:4)

I look forward to that day more than I can say.
I love you, Paige.