The Quiet One

I wanted to be tall.

As a teenager, I kept wishing that some more of that lovely human growth hormone would kick in and give me a couple inches' boost. Oh, to be taller! Sadly, it was not meant to be-- I remain at the same 5 feet, 4 inches that I was in the eighth grade. However, over time I have made peace with my height-- even recognizing that there are some benefits to being vertically-challenged. I have accepted that this is just who I am, who I am meant to be. And I'm okay with that.

Fast-forward to today.

Sitting and chatting with a group of friends yesterday, I found myself starting in on a familiar cycle. Not longing to be tall, mind you-- but something else entirely.

Standing around, as I listened to the swirling laughter & conversation surrounding me, I wished I wasn't such an introvert.

Now it goes without saying that I absolutely adore my friends. I'm one of those true-blue, faithful-to-the-core friends that really just enjoys people in general. But I don't know that I express it well... vocally, at any rate. I've always been more of a thinker than a talker. Which, really, isn't a bad thing. But yesterday I wanted to change that. What would it be like to be socially graceful? To be a fantastic conversationalist? To be irrepressibly charming?

It's not that I'm a wallflower-- because I'm not-- and it's not that I'm shy either.
It's not that I don't speak up and assert myself-- because I do-- and it's not that I'm afraid of rejection.

So why am I always the Quiet One?

In typical fashion, I was pondering over this as I drove away to pick Taylor up from preschool.

And thinking led me to a few conclusions. I realized that I actually like this quality in myself. I like being studious and thoughtful. I think it nourishes the creative side of me that is so important in my life. It helps me focus in on my goals and work hard to achieve them. It enables the Spirit to speak clearly to my soul-- even if I don't always recognize it for what it is at the time. It allows me to have an open mind about things, to study both sides of an issue. And lastly, I think it makes me extremely empathetic, and a good listener.

As I realized this, the tears came.

Though I may never be bubbly & effervescent, with a full social calendar like some of my dear friends, I discovered that in all actuality, I like myself this way. It is just who I am, who I was meant to be. And I'm okay with that.