Physical Healing, Spiritual Healing

I really didn't think I was going to have it in me to write anything today.
You see, I walked out of Relief Society this morning.

No, it wasn't the teacher (a good friend & my visiting teaching companion, no less), the tone, the sisters in the class, or the Spirit. It wasn't even the topic. Well, okay, maybe it was sort of the topic.

Today we discussed gifts of the Spirit, and a good portion of the hour was spent on the gift of healing. Wonderful stories were shared of marvelous acts of physical healing from illness and injury. Testimony was shared of how true faith works miracles. A child healed from head trauma after a serious fall. A son's rheumatoid arthritis completely eradicated. A young woman cured from terminal cancer that went on to raise three beautiful children.

Yeah, that's the one that finally got me.

I was so grateful that running late from singing time in the nursery had kept me seated in the back row today. Even when the subject changed to different spiritual gifts, I was still trapped in an emotional maelstrom. It burst to the surface, and I simply had to leave before I was a blubbering mess put on public display. I grabbed my car keys and barely made it outside before the audible sobs took over. Sitting in the front seat of the car, I allowed myself to let it all spill out.

And the thought came:
If faith is all it takes, then where was our miracle?

Over the past six months we have watched dear friends bury their tiny infant daughter, grieved over the loss of a good neighbor, deeply mourned the illness and untimely death of one of our best friends, and just last week were saddened to learn of the passing of Bryson's aunt after her cancer returned despite a lengthy remission. And even this only seems to scratch the surface. As I continued my little pity party (thank goodness for tinted windows!) I thought of those near and dear to me who continue to suffer from chronic illness, debilitating injury & pain, mental & emotional trauma from past abuse... We continue to wait for the miracle of healing.

Or do we?

After a nice long (and most-needed) hot bath, a little bit of mental clarity returned. And I thought, we may not have had many outward physical manifestations of the gift of healing, but certainly we have experienced that gift on a spiritual and emotional level.

Healing comes in many forms-- certainly the most noticeable being the physical healing of the mortal body. But I think we often overlook how powerful spiritual healing can be. God may not see fit to take away our physical trials in this life. And although we may carry the burden of illness or bodily injury, we can still find healing in other ways. Of one thing I am completely certain: while our pain and adversity may not be lifted from us, God will never leave us comfortless. Our spirits can be made whole, even when our mortal frames are not.

There are things in this life, experiences we endure, that seemingly make absolutely no sense. We are left utterly devastated, and wonder where on earth the justice is to be found in such a situation. Certainly, even when we understand and truly believe that everything is in God's hands, we do not always understand the necessity for such heartache and loss. Isaiah really hit the nail on the head when he spoke Messianically, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD." (see Isaiah 55:8)

But, if we will let Him, God will see us through the end of our trials. There is serenity to be found, and even joy. We just can never allow ourselves to lose hope, or sight of the goodness and blessings to be found in His eternal plan. Or perhaps, if we do lose that hope for a time, we can always return and surrender our hearts to His endless peace. His arms are always open. In my reading of Isaiah today, I found the following verse-- just a few lines down from the one quoted above-- incredibly heartening.

For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands. (see Isaiah 55:12)

Life can be hard. We can experience heartache and heartbreak beyond imagination. Even when we are praying, fasting, and attending the temple with the most fervent and deepened faith, sometimes the anticipated miracles just do not come. Sometimes it is just not His will. Faith may facilitate miracles, but ultimately they flow from our Father in Heaven. And though things may not work out just the way we would like, there are always smaller miracles at work in our lives.

Even in times of darkness, there is so much to be grateful for. I am overwhelmed by how truly blessed we are. There is not a day that goes by that I don't feel surrounded by such boundless beauty and love.

I am thankful for President Monson's words, "Though the storm clouds may gather, though the rains may pour down upon us, our knowledge of the gospel and our love of our Heavenly Father and of our Savior will comfort and sustain us and bring joy to our hearts as we walk uprightly and keep the commandments. There will be nothing in this world that can defeat us. My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith." (Thomas S. Monson, "Be of Good Cheer", Apr. 2009)

That sounds pretty good to me.
My heart finds solace in my Savior. And He leads me forth with peace.