It wasn't exactly the easiest thing to compose. I am still unsure as to why I needed to get all that out there, but at the time I simply couldn't shake the strong feeling that I needed to write about my personal struggles with turning something so horribly dark over toward God's light. Maybe it was just for myself, maybe it was for someone else. I don't know.
But this morning I am feeling completely vulnerable. Like this tree I photographed in Bryce Canyon several months ago-- I feel as though my roots are all exposed and available for everyone's scrutiny.
It's a funny thing, this blog.
I have always been a writer.
I can remember in elementary school relishing the moment when my parents gave in to my pleadings to buy me some blank books to write in. I filled those pages with stories and musings that I'm sure would make me chuckle (and roll my eyes, most likely!) to read them today. I don't know that I even still have them in my possession. But the desire, the urge to write and express my deepest personal thoughts into something tangible, permanent-- it's always been with me.
In high school and college I started composing poetry and writing compulsively in my journal.
After I married and started having children, finding time to write regularly became a priority delegated toward the bottom of the list. And after a while, it just didn't happen anymore. But time continued its march forward, and I started to become keenly aware of the slipping moments disappearing from memory.
To this writer, that was a tragedy.
So today, I am writing again.
And in many ways, my story probably isn't much different than so many others. I really don't consider myself to be anything exceptional. But for whatever reason, I feel compelled to share these thoughts and reflections that sometimes pour from my mind without much warning or regard for how I'll feel about them afterward.
I hope they are received well.
Particularly by my most important audience:
My children.
Because really, that's who these words, musings, ramblings are truly written for. Everything I write, every photograph I take, every testimony I bear is given with them foremost in my mind. I hope someday they will find some value in these things. That someday my words might help them, comfort them, encourage them.
It is for them that I choose to make myself vulnerable. Transparent.
This is a crazy, beautiful, tumultuous, wonderful life we are living together. The moments pass us by so swiftly, and I am grateful for each day given to me to learn, grow, and improve. It is a beautiful thing.
I understand the need to write and sometimes I think about what a treasure it would be to have a blog written by my grandma or mother. I think you are right that your children will cherish your words. And you know, I've learned to trust the Lord when he prompts me to write about something-- no matter how scary it seems. You never know who needs to read it and I KNOW that God uses every medium available to reach His children who are struggling with the right message. So don't doubt your self, just have faith that He knows who needs it.
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