Daddy's Girl

"Mom? I want to be a daddy when I grow up," Reilly declared, as if she had been preparing this announcement for quite some time.

"Oh, honey," I explained, "Only boys can grow up to be daddies. Girls can grow up to be mommies, though. Maybe one day you will be a mommy like me."

She thought it over for a few moments, then smiled sweetly up at me.

"Mom?" she asked, "Will you turn me into a boy so I can be a daddy when I grow up?"

Bittersweet Birthday

"I am so grateful for the assurance I have that if we are faithful, the same sociality which we enjoy here in this life will be forever with us in the world to come, in eternal glory."

President Henry B. Eyring, “The True and Living Church,” Ensign, May 2008, 20–24 (see also D&C 130:2)


Warm thoughts & birthday wishes are with Ryan this weekend-- today is his birthday, and tomorrow is Jen's.

We miss you, Jen!
Somehow, going to see the lights at Temple Square this time of year will never quite be the same. There are so many things I wish I could share with you-- so much to catch up on. I wish I could ask you how it was to be an auntie to triplets, now that we have our own set of multiples on the way. I miss the late-night laughter, the heart-to-heart conversations. I hope you know how much your friendship meant to me and the girls. Thanks be to God that there is so much more beyond this life.

"With ultimate hope, however, we can live cheerfully amid proximate insecurity. Life is a test in which man must overcome by faith, walking on the strait and narrow path—which is surely no escalator—but the path is there! And death is not the permanent annihilation of the human personality and individuality! [It] is a mere comma, not an exclamation point!"Elder Neal A. Maxwell, “‘Shine As Lights in the World’,” Ensign, May 1983, 9

This Christmastime, I am most grateful for our Lord & Savior who marked the path and showed us the way to an eternity filled with joy, love, and family. This life is not the end. What greater gift could be given?

Happy Birthday, Ryan & Jen.
xoxo

Paleontology Lesson

The other day I took Taylor to the store for a special treat. Having helped his dad clean old frozen tomatoes from the garden, he had earned one whole dollar for his hard work. After paying his tithing, he decided to supplement his earnings with a few more cents from his penny jar so he could afford a new dinosaur for his collection.

After we had dropped Reilly off at preschool, the two of us perused through the different species until he had settled on one in particular.

"Mom," he asked, "what dinosaur is this?"
"Hmmmmm..." I replied, "Well, it kind of looks like a Velociraptor, but I'm not sure."

I flipped the toy over to see what species we had acquired.

Deinonychus.
Super.

"Ummmm," I stumbled, "I think it's a dye-on-NYE-kiss? Something like that?"

Taylor looked at the dinosaur, and then looked back at me.

"Mom," he chastised, "It's a dye-NON-ik-kuss. It means 'terrible claw.' "

Of course it does.
Because there's nothing quite like a four-year-old talking about dinosaurs to make you feel intellectually challenged.

Double Vision

"You're measuring quite a bit larger than we would expect this far along in your pregnancy," the doctor assessed. "I think we'll schedule you for an ultrasound to check if our dates might be off... or we may have to consider the possibility of more than one baby."

My eyes widened, and I couldn't help the nervous laughter that escaped at his pronouncement.
You see, I was pretty sure our dates were correct. Back when we were expecting Taylor & Reilly, our dates were guesswork at best. We never really had an accurate due date with either of them until after our first ultrasounds. However, this time around I was almost academic in recording dates and cycles. I knew the dates couldn't be off-- at least by much. Which left... wait-- did he just say more than one baby?

A little more than 24 hours later Bryson & I met with the ultrasound tech to find out exactly what was going on. There were three outcomes I was mentally preparing myself for:
1. The dates really WERE off, and I seriously needed to go back to school for some remedial math lessons,
2. Something was wrong with the pregnancy,
or...
3. There really was more than one baby on its way.

It didn't take long at all the learn the truth. Literally a second after the tech put the wand on my abdomen they both popped up on the screen in profile. Clear as day.

"Oh my gosh!" I stammered before our sonographer could even say a word.
She grinned, "Do you see what I see?"
Bryson simply stared at the screen and squeezed my hand gently, then turned to me with an expression of both shock and excitement-- an expression that I'm quite certain was mirrored on my own face.

Twins.
Seriously?

Well, as my friend Mistie joked, "I guess that's what you get for listening to things you feel in the temple!"

So many emotions flooded my heart all at once. Surprise, disbelief, anxiety, excitement... and pure unabashed love. Watching those two little ones on the screen filled my heart with humility and awe. To understand that God was trusting these two precious children to our care was unbelievably overwhelming. To realize that my deep heartfelt desire to have four children bless our family was coming to pass-- especially when I had just started to give up hope and accept that my body most likely would not be able to handle yet another pregnancy-- caused me to break down in tears.

So while I am completely overwhelmed and unsure of how this is all going to work out, I know that we will find our way. Because we are not alone. We are never alone.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Well, Hello There!

It has been nigh unto two months since I last posted-- at least so I've been reminded.

Honestly now...
Where has the time gone?

Oh yeah, into growing babies.
Yep, that's right.
I said babies. (As in plural.)

But more on that tomorrow.


October and November, with all their accompanying highs and lows have drawn to a close. As much as I will cherish the good memories (attending a session of General Conference, Halloween, spending time with family, Thanksgiving...) I can't say that I'm disappointed to leave the dark haze of "morning" sickness behind. For the first time in many, many weeks I actually am feeling a return to clarity. A return to feeling more myself.

Hallelujah.
I'm back.

Did you guys see Nie on Oprah yesterday?
I was so moved. Bawled my eyes out. Her story never fails to remind me of the important things in life. I am hugging my little ones a little tighter.

If you missed it, check out a clip here. It's well worth it.
Or come on over to my place-- it'll probably be on my DVR for a long time to come.
(Just warn me first-- the first trimester has not been kind to my poor neglected house!)

Thanks, Stephanie, for sharing your light with the rest of us.
Truly, thank you.

Great Expectations

No, it's not just the title of the novel I'm currently reading-- although that's a happy coincidence, huh?
The big news around our little home these days is that baby no. 3 is happily on his or her way to join our family.

This was not a simple decision to make for Bryson and I. You see, pregnancy and I are not on very good terms. Oh, we try to be civil to one another... but the truth is-- it really hates my guts. After two complicated pregnancies--with the most recent pretty much rendering me useless for half of the nine months-- trying for a third has been a matter of deep contemplation... and avoidance.

The last couple of years have been some of the best of my life. I feel like I am finally starting to come into my own, to learn to love myself (imperfections and all) instead of picking myself apart-- as is my deeply rooted perfectionistic tendency. During this time I regained my health, stretched myself to achieve goals I never thought I would have been able to reach, and in the process feel that I have really grown physically, creatively, and spiritually. I have become perfectly content with the status quo, and probably a little too complacent.

We already knew that our family wasn't complete. We knew that there was at least one more little spirit meant to bless our family. I was excited to bring another baby into our lives. I just didn't want to go through the pregnancy part. I have been stalling. I have set many dates as a benchmark for "when we would start trying," only to hem and haw when that time rolled around and consequentially set a new date. It's not that I was just being selfish (although I will readily admit there was a little of that too)... I was genuinely worried and even a little frightened about what a new pregnancy might do to our family and my body.

All of this came to a head this summer when our family attended the Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house. It was an amazing experience to take Taylor & Reilly through the temple with us (along with some Catholic friends of ours) and share the special spirit that can only be found there. As our family entered one of the sealing rooms, we took a moment to look into the mirrors all together and see our reflections echo on forever. As I stood there with my family and soaked in that beautiful spirit, I knew it was time. I felt strongly prompted that I needed to pull myself together and trust in God's plan for us.

However, as time went on (and I'm talking hours here, not days...) I had rationalized myself back to my date-postponing ways. Chatting with Bryson later that afternoon, I mentioned that I thought I would be ready to try for a new baby at the beginning of this upcoming year. Several months away.
Bryson frowned a little as he drove and said, "Really? I was kind of thinking that now was the right time. We'll certainly do whatever you feel is best, but that's just the impression I had in the temple."
I groaned inwardly.
"You felt that too?" I said a little shamefully. "Well, if the time is right now, then I guess we'd better take Heavenly Father's advice to heart."

And just a few short weeks later, here we are.

I wish I could tell you that this pregnancy has been nothing but sunshine and roses, but that's not the case. It has been difficult, but we have been blessed all the same. The nausea, which was so overwhelming in my prior pregnancies, is still very much present-- but has been greatly lessened in intensity. Throwing up multiple times a day is not the norm. While before I could barely get out of bed in the morning for fatigue and queasiness, I am now at my best in the morning when I need to take care of my kids and get them to school on time. I am still constantly exhausted, but I find myself struggling most in the evenings-- by which time Bryson has arrived home to help lessen the load. These have been small but significant blessings that tell me that the Lord is looking out for us, and that He is happy we decided to listen to the Spirit-- despite my initial misgivings.

I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows us better than we knows ourselves. I am thankful for His confidence in me, even when I have little to none in myself. He is mindful of us, and He knows our needs.

Here's hoping the third time's the proverbial charm!