Great Expectations

No, it's not just the title of the novel I'm currently reading-- although that's a happy coincidence, huh?
The big news around our little home these days is that baby no. 3 is happily on his or her way to join our family.

This was not a simple decision to make for Bryson and I. You see, pregnancy and I are not on very good terms. Oh, we try to be civil to one another... but the truth is-- it really hates my guts. After two complicated pregnancies--with the most recent pretty much rendering me useless for half of the nine months-- trying for a third has been a matter of deep contemplation... and avoidance.

The last couple of years have been some of the best of my life. I feel like I am finally starting to come into my own, to learn to love myself (imperfections and all) instead of picking myself apart-- as is my deeply rooted perfectionistic tendency. During this time I regained my health, stretched myself to achieve goals I never thought I would have been able to reach, and in the process feel that I have really grown physically, creatively, and spiritually. I have become perfectly content with the status quo, and probably a little too complacent.

We already knew that our family wasn't complete. We knew that there was at least one more little spirit meant to bless our family. I was excited to bring another baby into our lives. I just didn't want to go through the pregnancy part. I have been stalling. I have set many dates as a benchmark for "when we would start trying," only to hem and haw when that time rolled around and consequentially set a new date. It's not that I was just being selfish (although I will readily admit there was a little of that too)... I was genuinely worried and even a little frightened about what a new pregnancy might do to our family and my body.

All of this came to a head this summer when our family attended the Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house. It was an amazing experience to take Taylor & Reilly through the temple with us (along with some Catholic friends of ours) and share the special spirit that can only be found there. As our family entered one of the sealing rooms, we took a moment to look into the mirrors all together and see our reflections echo on forever. As I stood there with my family and soaked in that beautiful spirit, I knew it was time. I felt strongly prompted that I needed to pull myself together and trust in God's plan for us.

However, as time went on (and I'm talking hours here, not days...) I had rationalized myself back to my date-postponing ways. Chatting with Bryson later that afternoon, I mentioned that I thought I would be ready to try for a new baby at the beginning of this upcoming year. Several months away.
Bryson frowned a little as he drove and said, "Really? I was kind of thinking that now was the right time. We'll certainly do whatever you feel is best, but that's just the impression I had in the temple."
I groaned inwardly.
"You felt that too?" I said a little shamefully. "Well, if the time is right now, then I guess we'd better take Heavenly Father's advice to heart."

And just a few short weeks later, here we are.

I wish I could tell you that this pregnancy has been nothing but sunshine and roses, but that's not the case. It has been difficult, but we have been blessed all the same. The nausea, which was so overwhelming in my prior pregnancies, is still very much present-- but has been greatly lessened in intensity. Throwing up multiple times a day is not the norm. While before I could barely get out of bed in the morning for fatigue and queasiness, I am now at my best in the morning when I need to take care of my kids and get them to school on time. I am still constantly exhausted, but I find myself struggling most in the evenings-- by which time Bryson has arrived home to help lessen the load. These have been small but significant blessings that tell me that the Lord is looking out for us, and that He is happy we decided to listen to the Spirit-- despite my initial misgivings.

I am so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who knows us better than we knows ourselves. I am thankful for His confidence in me, even when I have little to none in myself. He is mindful of us, and He knows our needs.

Here's hoping the third time's the proverbial charm!