And the funny thing is, I didn't even really realize it until about a week and a half ago.
I've been stuck in survival mode for so long that it wasn't until I started chatting with friends at church that it suddenly started spilling out of me. And the dam completely burst. Everything that had been pushed down and held back to keep everything on an even keel came bubbling up without warning.
The sickness.
The exhaustion.
The inability to do everything that needs doing.
The stress over Reilly's illness.
Oh, the stress, the stress, the stress.
Add to this a healthy dose of pregnancy hormones and you can imagine what life has been like this week.
Poor Bryson.
I really am profoundly lucky to have such a man in my life.
Yesterday he found me sobbing on our bed, as I finally yielded to the emotional tidal wave that had washed ashore.
He simply sat next to me while gently rubbing my back, and then said those magical words that every pregnant woman longs to hear.
"You look like you could use a chocolate shake."
Today, I am doing better, but am feeling rather depleted.
Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well.
It really has been a rough month.
But as I've recognized the situation for what it is, I am glad. Now the only thing that remains is to work through it. And though at times I can feel so alone, I know that is not the case. I have friends, family, and a chocolate shake-wielding husband to pull me along. And more than that, I have my dearest Friend and Savior to carry me through the darkest days. That alone is reason to rejoice.
I love this reminder from President Thomas S. Monson:
Life's journey is not traveled on a freeway devoid of obstacles, pitfalls, and snares. Rather, it is a pathway marked by forks and turnings. Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed: the courage to say, "no." The courage to say, "yes." Decisions do determine destiny.
The call for courage comes constantly to each of us. It has ever been so, and so shall it ever be.
("The Call for Courage," Conference Report, April 2004)
So, here I go again.
Resolving to recommit.
To persevere.
I can do hard things.
All is well.
All is well.
I think I needed to hear this today. Thanks for putting up a reminder to keep going. Hope things get better soon! Fresh courage take! I've been saying all day....just keep swimming...just keep swimming!
ReplyDeleteOh! The wise words or President Monson. And you too, my dear! You are so amazing. You can do it! Oh....and I miss you!
ReplyDeletea chocolate shake sounds good...i just wish it actually fixed the problems in the process! rough month for sure. hang in there, tiff. this all has to get figured out sometime right...
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