Valentine's

This morning did not go so well.

With everyone feeling marginally healthy, it was a battle to get everyone out of bed, and another battle to decide whether to allow Taylor and Reilly to go to school.  I wasn't convinced they were ready.  They were adamant about not missing the Valentine's Day festivities.  They won.

But the everyday routine felt far from ordinary this morning.  I was tired.  I was grumpy.  I was impatient.

And no one was prepared.

Homework was unfinished.
Breakfast was unmade.
Babies needed changing.  And feeding.
Taylor's valentines were unaddressed.
Reilly's were simply missing.

I forgot myself.
And I snapped.

I yelled at my four-year-old little princess.
About taking responsibility.
About listening the first time you're asked to do something.
About obedience.
About treating your things with respect and care.

But the valentines still remained undisclosed.
And I was angry she had been so careless with them.

Until they were found...
 Placed high on a shelf by her loving daddy.

(Who didn't want her to accidentally misplace them.)

Enter the shame monster.

And it was only after we were on the road driving to preschool that the irony of the situation struck me.  How on this day of all days-- a day specifically chosen for celebrating the ones you love-- I acted in a manner completely in opposition to what I should have done.

In the school parking lot, I helped Reilly out of the car and held her tight for a few moments.

"I am so sorry I was mean and cross with you,"  I apologized.
"I was wrong to yell and act like I did.  I want you to know that I love you very much.  You're my little princess, and I will always love you more than you can imagine."

She smiled and giggled and proceeded to tell me that she loved me more.
Then she showered me with tiny kisses all over my cheek.

And as I drove away
I was left to wonder how on earth I had ever gotten so lucky
--despite all my inadequacy--
to be blessed with such love in my life.