He is Risen • Music for a Christ-Centered Easter

As Easter Sunday is just a little less than one month away, I thought I would post the usual updated holiday playlist that we are enjoying here in our home. I keep adding tracks to it each week, but as of right now there are 120 songs, totaling over 8 hours of music.

Easter is my most favorite holiday of the year, and I have long wondered why we often don't seem to approach the season with the same anticipation and worship as Christmas-- generally speaking, of course.

For the last few years, I've started observing my own version of Lent, and if you're interested you can read some of my thoughts on it here. I also love Ann Voskamp's recent thoughts on the season here. I've shared her words before, but they bear repeating:

Lent. It’s the preparing the heart for Easter. Like going with Jesus into the wilderness for forty days, that we might come face to ugly face with our enemy. Our sacrificing that we might become more like Christ in His sacrifice... Lent isn’t about forfeiting as much as it’s about formation. We renounce to be reborn; we let go to become ‘little Christs’. It’s about this: We break away to become.

Just as Christ-centered Christmas music adds depth and breadth to Advent, I love keeping my focus on the Savior this time of year with music that supports that desire. I hope it brings the Spirit in your homes and hearts as well.

(If you are reading this post on an RSS feed reader, please be aware that there is a widget link to my Spotify playlist on my site which will allow you to listen to almost the entire playlist for free. If for some reason it is not letting you listen from here, you can also search Spotify for the playlist "He is Risen")

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If you don't want to create a Spotify account, here is a list of the tracks on my playlist (via affiliate links) if you are curious:

Morning Has Broken - Steven Curtis Chapman

Christ is Risen - Matt Maher

Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee - Page CXVI

Man of Sorrows - David Potter

Hearts and Voices - High Street Hymns

What a Savior - Laura Story

Alive - Natalie Grant

He is Risen - Jacob and Matthew Band

Empty - Dan Haseltine & Matt Hammitt

No Not One - Brandon Heath

This is Amazing Grace - Phil Wickham

You Are I Am - MercyMe

Sing - Josh Wilson

Be Loved - Christy Nockels

Cornerstone - Hillsong Live

Beautiful One - Jackie François

What Love Is This - Kari Jobe

Carry Me to the Cross - Kutless

You Are My King (Amazing Love) - Newsboys

Overcome - Jeremy Camp

Hope of the Broken World - Selah

Jesus Messiah - Chris Tomlin

All of Creation - MercyMe

Glorious Day - Jeff Johnson

How Love Wins - Steven Curtis Chapman

My Savior My God - Aaron Shust

Wondrous Love (Acoustic Version) - Jadon Lavik

Christ the Lord is Risen Today - Aaron Hale

I Will Rise - Chris Tomlin

After All (Holy) - David Crowder Band

Mighty to Save - Laura Story

All For You - MIKESCHAIR

O Praise Him (All This For A King) - Oceans Above

The Light in Me - Brandon Heath

Strong Enough to Save - Tenth Avenue North

You Have Redeemed My Soul - Page CXVI

The Lord is My Shepherd (Psalm 23) - Sherri Youngward

His Name Shall Be Called - Jadon Lavik

In Christ Alone - Bethany Dillon & Matt Hammitt

Lead Me to the Cross - Hillsong United

Love Came Down - Kari Jobe

Beautiful Scandalous Night - Robbie Seay Band

Love Love Love - Daniel Renstrom

How Great Is Our God - Bethany Dillon

My Hope is in You - Aaron Shust

Your Great Name (Acoustic Version) - Natalie Grant

Healed - Nichole Nordeman

How Great Thou Art - Jadon Lavik

Lord, I Need You - Matt Maher

Motion of Mercy - Francesca Battistelli

Safe - Phil Wickham

How Sweet the Sound - Citizen Way

Redeemed - Big Daddy Weave

Your Love - Brandon Heath

One Thing Remains - Jeremy Riddle

Forever Reign - one sonic society

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) - Hillsong United

Jesus, Son of God - Chris Tomlin & Christy Nockels

Rock of Ages - David Potter

Hero - Abandon

The Reason for the World - Matthew West

Be Still My Soul (In You I Rest) - Kari Jobe

It Is Well (Oh My Soul) - Brandon Heath

Lamb of God - Sarah Reeves

Love is Here - Tenth Avenue North

You Won't Let Go - Michael W. Smith

Only Grace (Acoustic Version) - Matthew West

I Shall Not Want - Audrey Assad

Spoken For - MercyMe

How He Loves - David Crowder Band

Open Up - The Brilliance

The Proof of Your Love - for King & Country

Own Me - Ginny Owens

Hallelujah - Tenth Avenue North

Stolen - Brandon Heath

I Am New - Jason Gray

Wondrous Love - Aaron Shust & Kari Jobe

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing - Katy Kinard

Delivered (Acoustic Version) - Casting Crowns

Revelation Song - Shane & Shane

I Will Lift My Eyes - Bebo Norman

You Love Me Anyway - Sidewalk Prophets

At Your Name (Yahweh, Yahweh) - Phil Wickham

Joyful - Brenton Brown

All Creatures of Our God and King -  Donna Stuart

Hosanna - Hillsong United

Our God - Chris Tomlin

I Am - Mark Schultz

Beautiful, Beautiful - Francesca Battistelli

You Are Everything - Matthew West

Grace - Tenth Avenue North

The Hurt & The Healer - MercyMe

East to West (Acoustic Version) - Casting Crowns

Forgiven - Sanctus Real

Grace That Is Greater - Building 429

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus (Look Up) - Nichole Nordeman

The Great Day - Michael W. Smith & Darlene Zschech

 Redeemer - Nicole C. Mullen

Healing Begins - Tenth Avenue North

The Redeemer - Sanctus Real

My Help Comes from the Lord - The Museum

I Am - Crowder

Keep Making Me - Sidewalk Prophets

Sing It - Josh Wilson

Isaiah 55 - Leigh Nash

Joy Is In Our Hearts - Sara Groves

I Need Thee - Jadon Lavik

Alive Again - Matt Maher

Broken Hallelujah - The Afters

We Are - Kari Jobe

Jesus, Firm Foundation - Mike Donehey, Steven Curtis Chapman, Mark Hall, & Mandisa

Aftermath - Hillsong United

He Paid It All - Brandon Heath

Amazing Grace (My Chains Are Gone) - Chris Tomlin

Sing Hallelujah - Steven Curtis Chapman

Let this playlist serve as a jumping off point for you to create an Easter playlist of your own!

Have a very blessed Easter.

♥

Throwback Thursday: An Introduction & a Poem

Last week we had a fun Relief Society party celebrating our pioneer heritage and the founding of the Relief Society itself. As part of the evening, sisters were asked to share funny or inspiring stories about their ancestors, with the caveat that we preferably stay away from tragic tales just this one night. So often our pioneer stories unfortunately have an element of sadness to them, and while they are so valuable and instructive, on this evening our sisters wanted to keep things light.

Knowing that I had a lot of stories tucked away, I volunteered to share a couple things. As I dove into my own family history, I was surprised at how many things I had forgotten. Later that evening I put some highlights of what I had shared on Instagram and Facebook, to the delight of some of my cousins who had never heard the stories.

This has always been a pretty personal blog. I write because it is necessary for my mental health. I have been writing as long as I can remember, whether it be stories, poems, journaling, or blogging. Writing helps me make sense of the world, and perhaps even more so-- make sense of myself. I feel stifled when I don't have that outlet. It helps me share my heart with my family and friends. And part of that heart belongs to those who have gone before me.

In that light, I've decided to start sharing some of my family history stories here as a means to collect them in one place on the web. I'm especially excited to share these stories with my children.

To start this series off, I thought I'd share a poem written by my great grandmother, Adeline Rasmussen Ensign when she lived in Detroit, Michigan. She was a very talented musician who played the organ in the Assembly Hall at Temple Square as well as being a lovely poetess.

"Life"

Life is but an orchestra
Led by God's direction.
Some are called to play the high parts,
Some the low,
Yet each has a place.
In the major portion, life flows smoothly,
Life so rich with hopes and joys;
Then a minor strain is heard--
Beautiful in the sadness of sweet sorrow,
And it lingers in our hearts.

As a player in this orchestra
Let me play my part with loving service,
Let me learn to harmonize the melodies of life 
Whether sad or joyous,
Let me understand,
Let me feel God's hand in times of sorrow,
Let me live!
Let me love!
In this orchestra called Life I have a part,
Let me play it well.

an anthem & an education

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown

Where feet may fail

And there I find you in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You’ve never failed

And you won’t start now

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever you would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in your embrace

For I am Yours

And You are mine

Oceans, Hillsong United

 •  •  •

It is interesting to me how life’s experiences take on greater clarity in hindsight. Lessons illuminated and patterns perceived through the active process of reflection. The last year has been an education for me. By traversing the rocky peaks and darkened valleys I have learned a lot about myself, my family, and my God.

I have been able to make peace with my imperfect past, find strength where I previously only thought weakness existed, and recognize just how God can turn all things to our good. That beauty can rise up from ashes.

In short, I’m feeling very content with where my life is headed and who I am gradually becoming. Through the grace of my Savior, I have felt a transformation.
A shifting.
A healing.

Two months ago, Professor Jonathan G. Sandberg delivered a moving devotional at BYU that has touched my heart. He entitled it "Healing = Courage + Action + Grace." I highly recommend it, no matter where you find yourself on life's journey. Healing is the process of a lifetime. In his wonderfully extensive endnotes, Dr. Sandberg relates a story that President Boyd K. Packer shared in the fireside address, "The Edge of the Light." 

The then-Elder Packer has just been sustained and found himself in need of counsel. In his search for answers, he found himself willing to be obedient but realistically could not see how on earth he could accomplish what he was being led to do. Discouraged, Elder Packer spoke with Elder Harold B. Lee, who counseled, "The trouble with you is you want to see the end from the beginning." Elder Packer admitted that he would at least like to see a step or two ahead.

What followed was a lesson that followed President Packer throughout his life: Elder Lee explained, "You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you."   

This has been my experience as well. The fear of the unknown, the desire to know what lies ahead-- these are things that have troubled me all my life.

I kind of have control issues. 

But little by little, I am growing more comfortable with those tentative steps into the darkness. 

Because my Savior has never failed me. And He won't start now.

Faith is really one of those things that can only be truly gained experientially. 

How grateful I have become for the experience!

Contemplative Christmas • Music for a Christ-Centered Holiday

With the advent of the Christmas season upon us, I thought I would share the updated holiday playlist that is currently in rotation here in our home. At present it consists of 100+ songs, totaling over 6 hours of music.

For me personally, I wanted a playlist that would center my thoughts on the Source of our celebration. So if you listen to these songs, you will quickly discover that there are no Santa references, no jingle bells, none of that type of stuff. Not that I don't love sleigh rides, mistletoe, snowmen, and all the other wonderful, fun traditions of this time of year. I do! And I have a library of music built up over the years with hours upon hours with all those wonderful, traditional, more secular carols that I still listen to somewhat regularly. You probably do, too.

But that's not what this particular playlist is about.

The message in this music has made a difference in how I have approached worship from the beginning of Advent through the entire Christmas season. Bear in mind that as it is my playlist, it does cater specifically to my musical tastes-- which lean more toward the indie, folk, & contemporary Christian genres. So apologies if that's really not your thing. Also, just for your information-- the tracks from The Brilliance were not in the Spotify catalog at the time of this posting and were added to the playlist from my personal collection. Therefore, they may not show up on your personal Spotify playlist. But if you're into indie music, check them out via the link below. Love them.

I hope you enjoy.
Have a blessed Christmas season!

(If you are reading this post on an RSS feed reader, please be aware that there is a widget link to my Spotify playlist on my site which will allow you to listen to almost the entire playlist for free. If for some reason it is not letting you listen from here, you can also search Spotify for the playlist "Contemplative Christmas.")

• • •

If you don't want to create a Spotify account, here is a list of the tracks on my playlist (via affiliate links) if you are curious:

Maybe This Christmas - Ron Sexsmith

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel - Bethany Dillon

A Baby Will Come - Emilee Cook

Come Thou Long Expected Jesus - Daniel Renstrom

Gabriel's Message - Jars of Clay

Hope - The Brilliance

Carol of the Bells / God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - The Piano Guys

O Holy Night - Shane & Shane

The Night Before Christmas - Brandon Heath

Come and Worship - Bebo Norman

Joy to the World - Red Mountain Church

Unto Us - Folk Angel

O Come All Ye Faithful - Mindy Gledhill

Bring a Torch, Jeanette Isabella - Beth Whitney

Infant Holy, Infant Lowly - High Street Hymns

Child of Love - Sara Groves

The Earth Stood Still - Future of Forestry

Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring - Steven Sharp Nelson ft. Paul Cardall

What a Glorious Night - Sidewalk Prophets

Jesus, Savior - Chris August

God Has Come to Earth - Aaron Shust

Angels We Have Heard on High - Chris Tomlin

Do You Hear What I Hear? - Nichole Nordeman

Emmanuel - Hillsong

Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song) - Sara Groves

Asleep in the Hay - Jonny Diaz

Once in Royal David's City - Sufjan Stevens

Winter Snow - Audrey Assad ft. Chris Tomlin

Sing Him Gloria - Shelly E. Johnson

In the Bleak Midwinter - Steven Curtis Chapman

A Voice is Sounding - Sojourn

Stars of Glory - The Lower Lights

Better Days - Matt Brouwer

Born is the King (It's Christmas) - Phillips, Craig, & Dean

I Saw Three Ships / Pat-A-Pan - Michele McLaughlin

Away in a Manger - Mindy Smith

Joseph's Lullaby - MercyMe

You're Here - Francesca Battistelli

The First Noel - Phil Wickham

Far Far Away on Judea's Plains - Nancy Hanson

With Wondering Awe - Debra Fotheringham Band

Baby Boy - for King & Country

This Is Christmas - Kutless

Here With Us - Joy Williams

Go Tell it on the Mountain - Tenth Avenue North

It Came Upon the Midnight Clear - Jars of Clay

Peace Peace - Sara Groves

Christmastide - The Brilliance

Carol of the Bells - Lanae' Hale

Love Came Down at Christmas - Shawn Colvin

Silent Night - Marie Miller

Hallelujah the Lord Has Come - Jadon Lavik

God Is With Us - Sojourn

Easier (The Song of the Wiseman) - Jason Gray

I Wonder as I Wander - Will Ackerman, David Cullen

Coventry Carol - Point of Grace

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - Act of Congress

Holy, Holy, Holy - Sufjan Stevens

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day - MercyMe

I Am Joseph (God Is With Us) - Steven Curtis Chapman

Heaven Everywhere - Francesca Battistelli

What Child is This? (Greensleeves) - Sarah McLachlan

Still, Still, Still - Kirby Heyborne

Stars Were Gleaming - Nancy Hanson

Joy to the World - Bebo Norman

How Many Kings - Downhere

Come Let Us Adore Him - Savannah Ellis

Unto Us - Hillsong

Hark the Herald Angels Sing - Daniel Renstrom

Bethlehem Skies - Dara Maclean ft. Dave Barnes

Glory in the Highest - Shane & Shane

Jesus Is Alive - Josh Wilson

The Holly and the Ivy - George Winston

Mary, Did You Know? - Erin O'Donnell

O Holy Night - Shawn McDonald

Long, Long Ago - Andrew Peterson

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silent - Red Mountain Church

We Three Kings - Steven Curtis Chapman

I Saw Three Ships - The Lower Lights

Just a Girl - Brandon Heath

Babe in the Straw - Caedmon's Call

This is Love - Paul Baloche & Kathryn Scott

Drummer Boy - Jars of Clay

Once a Year - Josh Wilson ft. Andrew Peterson

Beautiful - Kutless

O Little Town of Bethlehem - FFH

Love Has a Name - Jason Gray

Redemption Song - MIKESCHAIR

Our God - Lincoln Brewster

Glory to God in the Highest - Downhere

Lo How a Rose E're Blooming - Derek Webb

See Amid the Winter's Snow - Abby Eaton

Glory Be - Sojourn

Child in the Manger - Derri Daugherty

There is Room - Zac Hicks & Cherry Creek Worship

Where Are You Christmas? - The Piano Guys ft. Sarah Schmidt

Real - Nichole Nordeman

Someday At Christmas - Jack Johnson

Open Up - The Brilliance

O Sacred and Immortal Day - Leigh Nash

Silent Night - Shane & Shane

It's True - Sara Groves ft. Toby Groves

Let this list stand as a starting point for you to create a Christ-centered Christmas playlist of your own!

May God's blessings be with you and your loved ones this holiday season & always.

♥

Give Thanks • Music for a Christ-Centered Thanksgiving

November is upon us again! And if you have gotten to know my family & I through this little blog over the years, you know that Thanksgiving is a big deal to us. For years it has always frustrated me that Halloween and Christmas have started to encroach upon each other so much that Thanksgiving is often an after thought-- a blip in the radar between two huge commercial holidays.

Now, as much as I love Christmas music, for a long time I have been searching out music that would help my kids and I focus on our blessings and all that we have to be grateful for during this time of year. For the past couple of years I have created playlists that we have listened to throughout the month, and it has been an amazing addition to our season of gratitude. Christmas music will be played in full force here in our home-- but starting the day after Thanksgiving.

This year I have more than doubled the size of the playlist, expanding it from a little over 40 tracks to now more than 80. That adds up to over five hours worth of music!

It goes without saying that taste in music is entirely subjective, but I hope that some of these songs will appeal to you and your family as well. The playlist includes a mix of indie, folk, and contemporary Christian music that is especially appropriate for this time of year. Some songs speak directly of giving thanks and gratitude, some are traditional folk songs associated with this time of year, some are bluegrass hymns with a rustic nature that just seems to suit the season, and others are simply more general in their praise of God and all the blessings He freely bestows to His children.  Collectively, all of them have helped our family keep the focus in our home on giving thanks at this special time of year.

(If you are reading this post on an RSS feed reader, please be aware that there is a widget link to my Spotify playlist on my site which will allow you to listen to the entire playlist for free. You can also search Spotify for the playlist "give thanks.")

• • •

If you don't want to create a Spotify account, here is a list of the tracks (via affiliate links) on my playlist if you are curious:

Simple Gifts - Steven Sharp Nelson

Come On - Rend Collective Experiment

This is the Day - Rachel Scott

For the Beauty of the Earth - Steve & Danny Thompson

My Father's World - Jadon Lavik

The Harvester - Brandon Heath

Down to the River to Pray - Alison Krauss

Anchored in Love - Jenny & Tyler

Come Ye Thankful People Come - Leigh Nash

Starry Night (Acoustic Version) - Chris August

How Great Thou Art - Lindsey Kane

Come Thou Fount - Audrey Assad

Indescribable - Chris Tomlin

Live Out Loud (re:created version) - Steven Curtis Chapman

I Will Give Thanks - Josh Blakesley

Thanksgiving - George Winston

Pilgrim Go! - Cherie Call

Love Love Love - Daniel Renstrom

Count Your Blessings - The Lower Lights

Glory Bound - The Wailin' Jennys

Take My Hand (Analog Sessions Version) - Shawn McDonald

God of Wonders - By the Tree

My Heart is Filled with Thankfulness - Keith & Kristyn Getty

Hallelujah God is Near (Acoustic Version) - Robbie Seay Band

How He Loves (Acoustic Version) - David Crowder Band

Yes, God is Good - High Street Hymns ft. Robb Esperat

Praise to the Lord, the Almighty - Jon Meyer

How Could I Ever Say Thank You - Kathryn Scott

Psalm 118 - Shane & Shane

Yours Forever - Dara Maclean

Thank You - JJ Heller

Late November - Ryan Hubbell

Lead, Kindly Light - The Lower Lights

Blessed Be Your Name (Acoustic Version) - Matt Redman

Free to be Me (Dented Fender Sessions Version) - Francesca Battistelli

Hallelujah (Acoustic Version) - Bethany Dillon

Gratitude - Nichole Nordeman

We Gather Together - Tim Brace

How Can I Keep From Singing (Acoustic Version) - Chris Tomlin

Good to Me - Audrey Assad

10,000 Reasons - Rend Collective Experiment

From This Valley - The Civil Wars

A Mighty Fortress - Dave Hunt

It Is Well - The Ember Days

Flood Waters - Josh Garrels

Raise My Voice (Acoustic Version) - Robbie Seay Band

Blessings - Laura Story

Behind the Beauty - Josh Wilson

God of Our Fathers - Twila Paris

Home - The Piano Guys

Simple Gifts - Jewel

Come, Ye Children of the Lord - The Lower Lights

I'll Fly Away - Gillian Welch & Alison Krauss

All Creatures of our God and King - High Street Hymns

The Earth is Yours - Gungor

We Give Thanks - Caedmon's Call

One Thing Remains - Bethel Music ft. Brian Johnson

We Thank Thee, O God for a Prophet - The Lower Lights

Oh How I Need You - All Sons & Daughters

Doxology (Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow) - Jadon Lavik

Long Walk Home - The City Harmonic

Follow You - Leeland ft. Brandon Heath

We Fall Down - Shane Everett

Miracle of the Moment (Acoustic Version) - Steven Curtis Chapman

For Love of You - Audrey Assad

Now Thank We All Our God - Craig Duncan

Long Time Traveller - The Wailin' Jennys

Psalm 46 - Jenny & Tyler

Captivated (Analog Sessions Version) - Shawn McDonald

Enough (Acoustic Version) - Chris Tomlin

Jesus, What a Friend for Sinners - Matthew Smith

Your Love (Acoustic Version) - Brandon Heath

Build Your Kingdom Here - Rend Collective Experiment

Doxology - Michael Gungor

The Lord's Prayer - Shane & Shane

Fire By Night - Josh Garrels

Divine Romance - Phil Wickham

It Is Well With My Soul - Chris Rice

Homeward Bound - Ashlee Cook

My Heavenly Father Loves Me - Paul Cardall

What a Wonderful World - Stacey Kent

Amazing Grace - Jadon Lavik

Count Your Blessings - Ali Matthews

New World - Steven Sharp Nelson

Let this list stand as a starting point for you to create a Thanksgiving playlist of your own!

May God's blessings be with you and your loved ones this holiday season & always.

♥

 

Frozen Blossoms

In the early spring of this year, we had a span of beautiful, mild weather. The sun came out, the snow melted.  After a harsh winter, it was welcome balm to the soul. Celebrating the change in season with great fanfare, my beloved apricot trees exploded into full blossom. Tensions eased, and I relaxed into a peaceful enjoyment of the season.

But it was not to last.

Irritated that we would dismiss it so quickly, Winter reared its angry head and came roaring back with a vengeance.

In a way, it seemed fitting.

The past year has been filled with ups and downs, twists and turns. Our family has enjoyed moments of serenity and calm, only to shift abruptly into confusion and chaos. Such is life when two of your children are diagnosed with special needs.

And so it was that the return of winter found me with my face pressed up against the glass of our sliding door to the backyard, glaring at the icy storm front headed our way. After all the emotional turmoil I had been through, watching my apricots freeze for a third straight year seemed like the final straw, in a childish, silly way. As the snow began to fly, I said an even more childish prayer-- although it did not seem so frivolous at the time. It went something like this.

Dear Heavenly Father, I am really struggling right now. I feel like my world is unraveling right before my eyes, and I don't know what to do. I really need to feel You near, and I really need to feel Thy love. Please... please, if it is not against Thy will, will You please let some of my apricots survive this year? I know it is a silly request, and not a great matter of consequence, but right now life is breaking my heart. Please, even if just one apricot would be saved... But in all things, let Thy will be done. It's just... you know, if it's not opposed to Thy great plan... please?

And with that, I moved away from the glass and let it go.
The temperatures plummeted, the snow and icy hail blew.
My blossoms froze.
Again and again. Over and over.
I sighed and moved on. It was a pretty silly request, after all.

Honestly, afterward I didn't give it much thought until midsummer, when Bryson came into the house after working in the yard. He had a quizzical look on his face, and as I was about to ask him what was wrong he opened up his hand. In it there was a single-- slightly green-- apricot.

"I just found this on the ground as I was mowing," he explained. "I don't know how it survived all the spring freezes, but somehow it did."

Suddenly the words of my little prayer came back to me.
Even if just one apricot would be saved...

A wave of peace and love rushed over me.
In my heart I thanked God for His tender mercy.

Just one little apricot. For me it was enough. 
And again, I let it go.

So imagine my surprise, when Taylor burst into the house a few weeks later. "Mom! Mom! Look at all the apricots in the tree!"

At first, I was confused. I knew we didn't have apricots. I had checked the trees. None of the blossoms had made it. I asked him if he was sure.

He looked a little uncertain at my words but responded, "Well, then what are all those orange things in the tree?"

I looked out that same glass sliding door I had pressed my face up a few months ago and looked at the apricot tree. Sure enough, a branch was covered with little orange apricots.

I can't even begin to tell you how I felt, standing at the glass and seeing all the fruit that had no earthly business being there. It has been nearly four months since that day, and I still have no words.

Except these:

Life can be so difficult. Heart wrenching, soul piercing difficult. Some days it can be so easy to wonder where on earth God is, or why He has seemingly left us. But I have learned that while there are lessons and trials to be borne here in our mortal lives, that His love never fails. He has never left us alone. His mercy surrounds us. His love is of such depth and breadth that it is absolutely unfathomable to the human mind. And if we let Him, He will show us over and over his love for each of us.

As I have navigated this year, I have wrestled my way through rocky ravines and barren fields of doubt and despair. Choosing faith is not always easy. But it is still a choice.

And when we take that step of faith into the darkness, I have found that always-- eventually-- the light will come. A light filled with peace, love, and understanding.

Last night, the women's auxiliary of our church held a meeting where the artist who is creating the stained glass windows for the new temple under construction in our town spoke to us. It was a beautiful meeting, and the Spirit was strong. At the close of the meeting both the artist and his wife bore testimony of the Lord being able to work with our individual weaknesses and trials; turning them into strengths. To close her own remarks, the wife explained that she had been strongly prompted to sing a song-- remarking that if the Spirit could touch just one person through it, that would be reason enough.

The song that she chose to sing was an eleven year old song by Nichole Nordeman. Relatively unknown, at least in my little corner of the world. And of all the inspirational songs in the world she could have picked, this one was actually a favorite song of mine; one that has gotten me through several tough times.


Truly, God answers prayers. They are not always in the way or time frame we desire, but still answered all the same. Perhaps trials and weaknesses will not be removed from our lives, perhaps for a purpose that only God knows. But if we will give thanks to Him even in the midst of the darkness, peace can be found. And the lessons learned in how to trust Him can lift us to greater heights of light and understanding.

Miracles happen. Once in awhile they are witnessed in big overwhelming manifestations of divine intervention.  Sometimes they exist in the small, seemingly silly tender mercies that remind us of His eternal love. But most of all, they are to be found in the simple inner workings of grace on the human heart.

And for all those and more, I give Him thanks.

Celestial Realities

In my last post, I mentioned that I had been re-reading A Quiet Heart by Patricia Holland. It is one of my most favorite spiritually-themed books, and if you haven't read it, I couldn't recommend it more highly.

While I have studied Sister Holland's words, thoughts from the first chapter of her book have become a kind of mission statement of mine this year. There is so much to ponder and reflect on. As there is simply no way I can expound or improve upon her own thoughts, I share her words here:

Isn't it sometimes discouraging to see just how easily the adversary uses such earthly issues as vanity and worry, envy and pettiness to distract us from our divine mission and the unity we could enjoy in the Church? We all get discouraged and distracted-- caught up in the thick of thin things-- no matter how good we are. But do we have time, energy, or emotion to waste on what dress to wear or whose living room is the loveliest? 

We have real things to think about, things of the kingdom of God. We need to drink more deeply and be filled more fully for the work that lies ahead of us.

Let me suggest some ways that this fullness can come. Often when I face difficulties, I need to turn off the phone, lock the door, kneel in earnest prayer, and then curl up in a chair and meditate, contemplate, search the scriptures, and cry out again and again in my heart, completely focusing my mind on the mind and will and presence of God until I can see a clear picture of Him...

Now, I can just hear you say, "Pat, get real. I don't have five minutes to do that, let alone an hour or two. I am exhausted now just trying to keep up with things." I know all about your life, because it is my life, too. I am busy also, and I have been for as long as I can remember... But that has everything to do with the point I wish to make.

I realize that life has to go on and that you will not be able to pursue this heavenly communication in a completely uninterrupted way, but if it is a high priority and a fundamental goal in your life, you will find ways, early or late, to be with God. If the key to your car or your mortgage payment check or a child were lost, would you take time to find them? Wouldn't finding them provide the peace you needed to then go about your day? If God is lost in your life and you are not going to be strong or stable without him, can you be focused and fixed enough to find him?

...President Gordon B. Hinckley has spoken often of meditation. My husband [Elder Jeffrey R. Holland] has commented on how often, in speaking to the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve, he has asked that they make sure they take time for thoughtfulness, for pondering, for introspection, for meditation. He often refers to a statement of President David O. McKay: "Meditation is the language of the soul. It is defined as 'a form of private devotion, or spiritual exercise, consisting in deep, continued reflection on some religious theme" (in Conference Report, April 1946, 113).

Somewhere in our lives there must be time and room for such personal communion. Somewhere in our lives there must be time and room for the celestial realities we say we believe in-- or when will millennial peace be ours?

The kind of contemplation, reflection, and yearning for God I am speaking of can't be accomplished very handily with cellular phones, computers, or a blaring TV. God can enter our realm only at our invitation. He stands at the door and knocks always, but someone has to hear that knock and let him enter. In this effort we ought to do whatever we can to make our houses... the temples, quite literally, that God intends them to be. Places for the Spirit of the Lord to dwell. Places for meditation, contemplation, prayer, and study. Places where good conversation and charity out of a pure heart can be present. Places where we find the fulness of God.

We need to simplify and spiritualize and celestialize. If most of what we are doing doesn't fit these categories, if at least some part of our day is not turned to heaven, then we have a wrenching, rending emptiness awaiting us... We simply have to see what we can eliminate, what we can replace with something higher and holier, more reflective, compassionate, and eternal. Second only to dedicated temples, our homes are to be the sacred edifices of the Lord, places of peace and holiness and sanctity. 

(Holland, Patricia T. A Quiet Heart. Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 2000. Kindle file.)

Food for thought.