A Letter From My Nineteen-Year-Old Self

Dear Tiffany,

I couldn't help but notice that you've been thinking a lot about me lately. In light of the new announcement regarding the missionary age of young women being lowered to nineteen from twenty-one, you've had a lot to reflect upon.

You wonder what your life would have been like if you had been given the opportunity to spend a year and a half in the service of the Lord at this pivotal time in your life. You wonder at how different things might have been.

I am keenly aware that I've been struggling lately. Even though I may deny it to those around me, I know that I have just begun to slip into the black abyss of depression that you know full well will claim many precious years of your young adulthood. You know all the horrors that will follow. You remember with painful clarity all the missteps and mistakes made during that dark time. The self loathing. The physical pain and exhaustion. The relationship that began and ended during those years that crushed your heart and your spirit into a thousand shards of broken glass. It's only natural to consider how different your path might have been... if only.

You wonder if leaving your worldly cares behind and serving a higher purpose would have allowed you to avoid the pitfalls that are directly in my path.

Well, I have an answer for you:

Perhaps.
But perhaps not.

You look back with a protective eye, wanting to shield me from the pain that you know awaits me. You can't help but imagine that this experience may have led you down a completely different road. One full of self-confidence, spiritual fulfillment, and joy. I see you with your tears of regret. Of loss.

I want you to know that it is all okay.
In the end, your journey has made you who you are today:

A woman who is stronger than she thinks.
Compassionate, with a depth of understanding you might not have otherwise.
A daughter of God who is fully aware of the power of His saving grace and redemptive powers.
One who has a deepened appreciation and reliance on the Savior and His Atoning Sacrifice.
Someone who has built a beautiful life with a man who loves and honors her in a way that I cannot even fathom at this point in my young life.

So, smile and acknowledge how far you've come. Give thanks to God for His mercy and love. Keep encouraging those young women around you who are now giddy with excitement over the opportunities you did not have yourself. Do not envy their path when yours has been specifically tailored for your own personal growth and learning.

And most of all, please don't worry about me anymore.
It will all be worth it in the end.

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God." (Romans 8:28)

Deep down, you know that just as well as I do.

Love,
Your Nineteen-Year-Old Self